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    Peace, Please

    Friends, if you’ve never seen the movie Kung Fu Panda, I recommend it.

    Highly.

    My dad and I re-watched it recently, and that was ninety minutes well-spent.

    Jack Black (AKA Po THEBigFatPanda) is just fantastic and never fails to make me laugh.

    HOWEVER!

    On this watch, it was actually Master Shifu who stole the show for me because while I was not a fan of him as a child, sassy curmudgeon is now oddly appealing?

    My tastes have definitely changed.

    As my dad would say, I am #adulting.

    Anyways!

    While Master Shifu may not be your cup of tea, he said something to Po towards the very end of the movie that I think contains helpful insight for everybody:

    Animated GIF

    Do you see what he did there?

    He distinguished between two different kinds of peace:

    External (in the valley) and internal (in him, personally).

    I don’t know about you, but until Master Shifu said that, I hadn’t really considered the fact that peace, like a lot of buzzwords, carries significances that, while alike, remain distinct.

    And as I’ve been reflecting about how I’ve obtained peace in my own life, that external-internal distinction has been helpful for me, and so this week, I’d like to talk about a few different kinds of peace in the hopes that it might be easier to see what they are and how/if they can be achieved!

    Because I don’t know about you, but peace is something I think e’rybody needs.

    #1 External Peace

    Here’s a thought exercise:

    If I ask you to imagine something peaceful, what comes to mind?

    Go on.

    Close your eyes and think…

    For me, I see a field with tons of flowers and a flowing stream.

    landscape dreaming GIF by Nat Geo Wild

    My dad sees a beach.

    sunset GIF

    My mom sees herself on a mountain with “a swiss cow wearing a cute bell next to me.”

    cow GIF

    Now, while you might not have imagined any of those exact scenes, I’m betting yours was something similar because, almost invariably, what I’ve found when I ask people to think of “peace” is that they tend to get rid of all other human beings.

    Just poof!

    It’s pretty funny, honestly.

    No People = Peace.

    Truly, when it comes to securing external peace, we are all like King Henry II of England, who having beef with The Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Beckett, declared,

    “Will no one rid of me of this troublesome priest?”

    Only instead of just taking out priests, we’re like,

    “Will no one rid me of these troublesome human beings?”

    And here’s the thing:

    It’s just a fact of life that our fellow humans can be peace-stealing pests.

    In my experience, we all have an insuperable ability to be irritants and/or impediments to our fellow man.

    That is, we tend to get on each other’s nerves and/or get in each other’s way, and in either case, the natural, default response of most people, including yours truly, is

    Would you just GO AWAY?!

    We all have those days 🙂

    HOWEVER!

    This puts us in a tricky place because if peace requires the absence of other human beings, our options for achieving it are pretty unappealing.

    We can either

    1) Live like a hermit, which I high-key do not recommend (feel free to check out my post on loneliness for a fuller explanation).

    OR

    2) Get rid of all other humans that become personally irritating or impeding–i.e. become a homicidal maniac.

    Basically this:

    season 5 the inmates of summer GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants

    Or this:

    atomic bomb explosion GIF

    But maybe that’s too extreme.

    Perhaps achieving peace doesn’t have to mean eternal hermit-ness or annihilating everyone you find impeding/irritating.

    Maybe you’re thinking there’s one–just one–person who, if you could get them out of your life, that would bring peace to your surroundings.

    And to that, I would say maybe, but I’d also caution you greatly because securing peace by clearing out even just one human being can have unforeseen and serious consequences.

    And hey, don’t just take it from me.

    Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice illustrates this beautifully.

    I read P&P for the first time recently after watching (and LOVING) the movie and BBC miniseries, and I don’t know about you, but the character of Lydia Bennet, Elizabeth’s younger sister, got on my nerves very quickly.

    Truly, I wanted to smack her with a rolled up newspaper in almost every scene, and I know I’m not alone because about two-thirds of the way through the story, Lydia gets an invitation to accompany a friend out of town, and while Elizabeth tries to stop her going, their own dad, Mr. Bennet says,

    “We shall have no peace at Longbourn if Lydia does not go to Brighton. Let her go, then.”

    And I was like amen!

    Hallelujah!

    Ding-dong the irritant has left!

    And yet…

    If you’ve read/watched Pride and Prejudice, you know that Lydia’s absence does not bring peace to the Bennets.

    In fact, it does the exact opposite, resulting in “a scandalously patched up marriage” and leaving Mr. Bennet to say, “I am heartily ashamed of myself, Lizzie” for prioritizing “peace” over the stewardship and honor of his family.

    And see, that’s the thing.

    The problem as far as I can see with trying to achieve peace by making our surroundings as irritant and impediment free as they can possibly be is that we often do things that cause an even greater loss of peace, if not externally than internally.

    #2 Internal Peace

    I don’t know about you, but when I think of someone pursuing internal peace, I think of someone meditating.

    In fact, after watching Kung Fu Panda, I think specifically of Master Shifu chanting “in-in-inner peace” in this scene from early on in the movie:

    tk-the-tiger | Kung fu panda, Master shifu, Kung fu

    Spoiler alert: things go south for his “inner peace” pretty quickly when he gets word that Tai Lung, his adoptive son, has broken free from prison and is coming to kill everybody.

    In fact, later in the movie, it is revealed that Master Shifu–like Mr. Bennet–actually carries a hearty dose of guilt and shame about his hand in the situation.

    Which brings me back to the idea of meditation.

    See, I suspect that like many people who practice meditation today, Shifu is trying to clear his mind not only of things going on around him but also things going on inside him.

    Things like guilt and shame.

    Regret and the corresponding heartache.

    Because disrupters to our internal peace include not only what’s been done to us but also what we have done and failed to do.

    And clearing one’s mind is a way to ensure we aren’t swallowed up by the doom and gloom.

    Unfortunately, it’s been my experience that like C.S. Lewis said in his amazing book, A Grief Observed, the worst thoughts have a way of coming back…

    And back…

    And back.

    We can’t shake them, and I think it’s no coincidence that a majority of people (at least in the US) who commit suicide shoot themselves in the head.

    They silence the thing stealing their peace.

    Permanently.

    And see, I think that issue of permanency is key when it comes to understanding how we pursue peace because most everyone I know doesn’t want just a reprieve–they want lasting peace, and when you’re in a bad place, it becomes very, very easy to convince yourself that lasting peace can only be achieved after you’ve got a limestone marker above your head that reads R.I.P.

    I’ve been there.

    I get that.

    But there are alternatives.

    I read a book called What The Buddha Taught last fall, and Buddha (the O.G.) had an interesting prescription for achieving peace.

    In brief, his perspective was that the root of all suffering was attachment to things (material objects, emotions, people, even existence and individuality).

    Thus, the best way to alleviate suffering and achieve inner peace was to attach yourself to nothing.

    Indeed, the ultimate end of Buddhism is for the practitioner to be “blown out” like a candle (that’s actually what the word “nirvana” means!).

    You extinguish your existence, thereby eliminating all attachments, and achieve inner peace.

    Permanently.

    Personally, while I can see the rationale, that approach to peace doesn’t really appeal to me.

    Instead, I’d like to offer an alternative to the alternative 🙂

    #3 Peace That Passes All Understanding

    Alright, so at this point, I’ve offered my thoughts on two kinds of peace (external and internal) that I think are really hard, even near impossible, to achieve and that require some pretty extreme and unappealing measures to keep.

    However!

    The type of peace that has been truly life-changing for me is markedly distinct.

    Because it’s not a peace dependent on getting rid of all irritants/impediments, meditating ad infinitum, or extinguishing all attachments.

    It’s a peace rooted in a person.

    See, in John 16:33, Jesus says,

    “In Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have troubles, but take heart. I have overcome the world.”

    And for me, finding peace in Jesus has changed everything.

    Because I don’t know about you, but in my life, I have troubles that include but are not limited to: irritants, impediments, things done to me, things I regret to have done and/or failed to do, and a whole host of attachments I’ve lost or am one day going to lose.

    This world isn’t perfect.

    Life hurts.

    Troubles come.

    And it comforts me a lot that Jesus–like Buddha OG–doesn’t deny that life is rough.

    “In this world, you will have troubles.”

    BUT, He says,

    “Take heart. I have overcome.”

    He doesn’t say to get rid of everybody or extinguish everything.

    Rather, Jesus’ prescription for peace is:

    “Hold on to Me.”

    And again, for me, that has changed everything.

    So friends, I guess I’ll close with this.

    There’s a story recorded in Foxe’s Book of Martyrs (highly recommend) about a man named Dr. Lawrence Saunders who, having been sentenced to die by the 16th century go-to method of being barbequed alive, kissed the stake he was about to be chained to, and declared,

    “Welcome the cross of Christ. Welcome everlasting life.”

    Peace isn’t pie in the sky.

    But for Saunders (and for me), it is wholly rooted in the person of Jesus and His promise of everlasting life.

    So!

    If you find yourself grasping for peace, I would seriously recommend checking out Jesus because the peace He brings passes all earthly understanding, and when troubles come, you can say as Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:12:

    “I know whom I have believed.”

    And I know His promises to me.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share!

    It costs you nothing 🙂

    It’s just nice to know I have readers out there.

    “Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell… nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39

    Why Work?

    Friends, I’ve been working at Walmart the last few weeks, and I have never, in my life, been more fatigued.

    Like, I have a whole new level of respect and esteem for retail workers because lots of my body parts (particularly my shoulders and feet) feel like they got walloped by The Whomping Willow Tree.

    Seriously.

    By the end of the day, I’m walking like a cross between a King penguin and an old lady.

    It is not a great look for me, and I’ll admit, the first couple of days, there were some additional incidents like spontaneously skating (flailing) down an aisle after stepping in a puddle of spilled dish detergent and getting squirted with juice from a saran-wrapped chicken that made me question whether Walmart was the place for me.

    However!

    I am sticking with it because almost concussion and chicken juice aside, working at Walmart–even just for a few weeks–has been illuminating.

    See, in addition to getting to interact with a whole host of interesting people from former gang members to Vietnam vets, I’ve also gotten to reflect on why work is, itself, important.

    And, friends, I now fully believe that work is a major key to becoming a better human being.

    At least for me 🙂

    And so this week, I’d like to share three things that working at Walmart has helped me see about why work is a great, good thing.

    Hopefully, it’s helpful for you when approaching whatever work you’re doing!

    #1 Work Combats Self-centeredness

    I don’t know about you, but if I don’t check myself, I tend to be preoccupied with a steady stream of me-me-me.

    How do I feel?

    What do I want?

    What do I think?

    Etc. etc.

    Now, I don’t think self-centeredness is a good look on anybody, but it’s a particularly ugly look for me, which is why I’m very grateful for my job at Walmart because it makes being self-centered pretty much an impossibility.

    See, besides the simple fact that my actual job is to do another person’s shopping (I’m a “picker” in the Online Grocery Pick-Up “OGP” Department), I also have to be prepared to stop whatever I’m doing to answer in-person shoppers’ questions and help them find things.

    In all cases, whether I’m selecting bananas and cuts of meat or helping people locate a generic version of Laxease, my aim is to serve and please.

    In brief, it’s not about me.

    And here’s the thing:

    Prior to working, that perspective didn’t exactly come to me naturally.

    It’s like the late, great David Foster Wallace said in his incredible Kenyon College commencement speech:

    “Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realest, most vivid and important person in existence.”

    I’ve felt that.

    And in my experience, work–in my case, actual, physical work–helps break you out of that mindset by dint of the fact that work demands you focus on someone else’s feelings, thoughts, desires, and/or needs whether you’re mopping floors or writing a PR brief.

    Now, while I do think work in service industry has some inherent advantages to combating self-centeredness, I think work of pretty much any sort can achieve the same thing because whether you work at Walmart or on Wall Street, there are always going to be opportunities to serve, please, care for, etc. another human being.

    Personally, in my work at Walmart and otherwise, I’m trying to model what the apostle Paul penned in Philippians 2:5-7:

    “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus who, being in very nature God, did not count equality with God as something to be used to His own advantage. Rather, He made Himself nothing, taking on the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”

    Jesus’ model is one I want to follow in everything, and work, particularly work at Walmart, is doing a good job of getting me to practice what I preach.

    However!

    Working at Walmart has also made it very clear to me that while I want to be as much like Jesus as I can possibly be, I am not God, and therefore, I can’t do everything.

    #2 Work Breeds Humility

    You know the saying “The mind is willing, but the body is weak?”

    Yeah.

    Well, when someone orders 35–thirty-five–gallons of 2% milk, that’s the truism that comes to mind immediately, and personally, I start reflecting on the fact that my mom’s family has a history of brittle-bone disease and thinking maybe lifting all that cow juice is going to turn on my osteoporosis gene.

    Seriously.

    If it were up to me, the only things people would be allowed to buy online would be cereal, chips, bread, and shredded cheese.

    Anything else (including any and all items located on abominably tall top shelves), and they’d have to tote that tote themselves.

    Unfortunately, or rather, fortunately, what people can and can’t order isn’t actually up to me.

    Thus, I actually have to confront the fact that I can’t sling around 40-count packs of 16 ounce water bottles without breaking my back or reach the popular brand of cat litter sitting three feet above my head.

    I must therefore acknowledge that there is indeed a limit to my abilities, and as reluctant as I am to admit it, that’s actually a good thing.

    See, I don’t know about you, but if everything I do is left up to me, I will usually only do what I am sure I can achieve.

    While that makes for easy living, it also leads to a fair bit of pride and pigheadedness because I’m living in a cocoon of carefully curated successes.

    In that state, it’s easy to start thinking I’m the bee’s knees and that I can do anything, which is why I think work is a great, good thing because work, particularly if you are an employee with top-down standards and expectations to meet, provides a much needed dose of reality.

    I can personally attest that working at Walmart has been a good and humbling reminder that while I might have a lot going for me, there are still things that are simply, even literally, beyond my reach.

    And to that end, it forces me to recognize that I need help with things, which brings me to point #3!

    #3 Work Creates Community

    If you are anything like me, you’re not a huge fan of asking for help with things.

    Indeed, I, for one, will instinctively do all I possibly can to remain self-sufficient in almost any circumstance, which is why last week, a small child caught me standing on my tiptoes trying to use a pink lightsaber I’d procured from the children’s section to nudge a glass enclosed, papaya-scented candle from the top shelf of the home decor department.

    Upon reflection, that was really not the best course of action.

    Mistakes were definitely made as evidenced by the fact I very nearly got a papaya-scented candle to the face.

    However!

    Since then, conscious that small children (as well as security cameras) are watching me and that I need to be setting a good example (and not breaking store policy), I’ve been making a determined effort to seek out assistance rather than, shall we say, winging it, whenever I’m assigned a task that I can’t alone (and safely) accomplish.

    And, friends, it’s made a big difference because asking for help has not only mitigated my risk of facial injury but also introduced me to the greater Walmart community!

    I now have people in almost every corner of the store I know by name who can swoop in and save the day whenever I can’t find/reach/lift something or need the keys to the infamous FAMILY PLANNING case.

    They’re my buddies 🙂

    And see, you might think that outcome is a me or a Walmart thing, but I submit that because, as we have already established, all types of work eventually make you hit your limit–all types of work create opportunities to give and receive assistance.

    And that does wonders for building relationships.

    But don’t just take it from me!

    In Galatians 6:2, Paul writes,

    “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ,” and the law of Christ is to love both God and all mankind!

    Love, then, if you let it, can be work’s ultimate end.

    Isn’t that fantastic?

    I think so!

    And listen, work is hard.

    There’s no getting around that.

    My time at Walmart has been not without its challenges (recall spontaneous skating, chicken spray, papaya-scented candle almost rearranging face).

    However!

    It’s also training me to see others and their needs as more significant than me.

    It’s also teaching me humility.

    And it’s also giving me a new and wonderful community full of people that I’m coming to care for quite deeply.

    So when it comes to work, in the end, I think my man Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Life Together put it best:

    “Work does not cease to be work; on the contrary, the hardness and rigor of labor is really sought only by the one who knows what it does for him.”

    I can’t speak for you, but I have a good sense of what work, particularly what work at Walmart, is doing for me.

    And I can say, without reserve, that it’s carving me into the person I was created to be.

    I really hope whatever work you’re doing is doing the same thing.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share!

    It costs you nothing–it’s just nice to know I have readers out there 🙂

    Do You Have 3D Integrity?

    A while back, I got a piece published by The American Enterprise Institute’s Initiative on Faith & Public Life on the topic of election interference and the importance of integrity, and ever since then, I’ve been thinking about integrity in the more particular, personal sense.

    What it is…

    Why it’s important…

    AND!

    How to determine whether or not you have it.

    I’ve been struggling with how I’d go about articulating that last bit, but I finally got some help from none other than the guardian of lost souls…

    The powerful

    The pleasurable

    The indestructible Mushu.

    Animated GIF

    I grin every time I watch that.

    Anyways!

    While Mushu might have rightly earned a smack for that comment, his claim of having X-ray vision got me thinking about the layers that make up human beings, and I think a lot of having integrity has to do with what someone would see if they could look straight through you and/or me.

    If you think that’s an impossibility, you should know that internationally renowned synthetic organic chemist and one of my personal heroes, Dr. James Tour, is confident that in less than 50 years, scientists will be able to hook up and project a person’s inner thoughts onto a screen for all to see.

    Exciting.

    And so to prepare for that lovely eventuality, this week, I want to talk about how to assess and address the three major things—or layers, so to speak—that I think determine integrity:

    1. Declarations
    2. Demonstrations
    3. Desires

    My hope is that by going through all three, we might be able to better see whether or not we have “3D integrity,” and if not, we’ll be able to fix that before people start hooking us up to giant projector screens.

    Layer #1: Declarations

    The first of the three layers that I want to discuss are our declarations since, as the most outward facing, they are the easiest to see.

    That is, people don’t need to be able to mind read in order to grasp what we say or share publicly.

    It’s all out there for anyone and everyone to hear or read.

    However!

    The difficult thing about declarations is that they don’t always reflect what we believe.

    I read Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray a few months ago (which, if you haven’t read it, has some of the most beautiful prose), and while I really liked the story as a whole, there was one character I wanted to punch straight in the face from pretty much the first moment he appeared on the page.

    Lord Henry Wotton.

    For why?

    Well, beyond the simple fact that he’s an inveterate cad and terrible friend, he also frequently doesn’t really mean what he says.

    Another character in the book, Basil, actually calls him out on this, saying,

    “I don’t agree with a single word that you have said, and, what is more, Harry, I feel sure you don’t either.”

    Now, while Lord Henry is shown to be a regular bon vivant who seems to take pleasure in just saying bombastic/irreverent things, at one point, he also touches on what I think is actually the main cause of people declaring things they don’t actually believe.

    “We think that we are generous because we credit our neighbor with the possession of those virtues that are likely to be a benefit to us. We praise the banker that we may overdraw our account and find good qualities in the highway man in the hope that he may spare our pockets.”

    For all my dislike of him, I think that here, Lord Henry is spitting straight facts about our proclivity to curate our declarations based on how we want other people to see us or act.

    And in that respect, our declarations can very easily become a means to manipulate and/or deceive, and that’s really not good if you want to be someone who lives with integrity.

    Luke 6:45 says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” and if your tongue is informed by manipulation and deceit, that’s a good indicator that you are not living with integrity.

    And that’s going to catch up with you eventually.

    As the great Soren Kierkegaard said,

    “Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour when everyone has to throw off his mask? Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked? Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?”

    For people whose declarations are not reflective of what they actually think, they’re playing a waiting game with the rest of humanity because it’s been my experience that people are never permanently deceived.

    Because we don’t only listen or read.

    We also watch.

    And that brings me to the second layer of 3D integrity.

    Layer #2: Demonstrations

    When I was little, one of my favorite TV shows was What Would You Do? with John Quinones.

    If you haven’t seen the show, the basic gist is a hidden camera crew films ordinary people reacting to a whole slew of situations.

    Someone stealing a bike.

    An interracial couple being harassed.

    A baby that’s been left in a hot car.

    Etc. etc.

    I always thought it was interesting to see how people would act when they didn’t know they had an audience, and unsurprisingly, the people who intervened were typically few and far between.

    And yet…

    When those who didn’t intervene were questioned, they almost always agreed they should have done something and would certainly do so at the next opportunity.

    And to that, little Sarah would point at the screen and crow, “BALONEY!”

    Now, I’m a lot more charitable these days, but the question remains…

    Why the change of heart?

    Typically, their failure to act and John Quinones’ questioning weren’t that far apart.

    Why now that their face is on a television screen do they seem so eager to clear up the record and say that next time–next time!–they will do something?

    I submit it has to do with a lack of integrity.

    See, the Latin word integritas, denotes soundness, wholeness, completeness.

    If you are sound, whole, complete, it won’t matter who is or isn’t looking your way.

    You will behave the same.

    Your demonstration will be an outward expression of an inward conviction, and that isn’t going to change whether or not there’s a camera and/or John Quinones in your face.

    And listen…

    Sometimes we need other people’s watching eyes to make us behave better than we would otherwise.

    Speaking for myself, accountability can and often does make me better–that’s true.

    HOWEVER!

    I firmly believe that if you take your cues solely from what you think the watching world wants from you, sooner or later, you’re going to find yourself doing something you really don’t want to do.

    I just finished The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien which centers on the Vietnam War, and early on, he captures something of this, writing,

    “They carried their reputations. They carried the soldier’s greatest fear, which was the fear of blushing. Men killed, and died, because they were embarrassed not to. It was what had brought them to the war in the first place, nothing positive, no dreams of glory or honor, just to avoid the blush of dishonor. They died so as not to die of embarrassment.”

    The censure of a community is an incredibly powerful thing.

    John Quinones may be nice, but the rest of the world can be downright mean.

    Indeed, the threat of being ridiculed and ostracized can very easily tempt you to go against what you believe.

    I’ve got a separate piece on my experience with that if you want to read.

    But here’s the thing.

    If you’re living with integrity…

    If you are sound, whole, and complete…

    It won’t matter who is watching you OR the potential penalty.

    You will want to live out what you believe.

    And that brings me to the final and innermost layer of 3D integrity.

    Layer #3: Desires

    This final layer is the one that is the most difficult to see (pending those Orwellian projector screens).

    And yet, if you ask me, it’s probably the most personally significant piece of having integrity.

    Because you can say what you believe.

    You can even behave accordingly.

    But if your interior desires are in conflict with what you’re declaring and demonstrating externally, you will be heading down a path of abject and utter misery.

    Because what you’ll have then isn’t integrity–it’s duty.

    I’ve written before about why I don’t see duty as a particularly compelling way to orient your life, so rather than rehashing that, I thought I’d use Mulan as an illustration.

    We started with Mushu, so it seems appropriate.

    See, at the beginning of the movie, Mulan is trying her best to talk and walk like the “perfect bride.”

    Her declarations and demonstrations are sincere and aligned, but despite this, it is very clear that she is not happy with her life.

    Animated GIF

    She doesn’t actually want to be a perfect bride.

    She’s trying to do her daughterly duty, but it isn’t what she wants inside.

    Indeed, it’s pretty clear that she feels trapped in her life.

    And see, that’s the thing.

    If you feel trapped, that’s a good sign you don’t have true integrity yet.

    Because unlike duty, integrity isn’t imprisoning.

    It’s liberating.

    See, if you actually want to declare and demonstrate what you believe…

    If your desires are in line with your words and deeds…

    You will be sound, whole, complete.

    You will be, in a word, free.

    That’s why I think getting a better understanding of our desires is essential not only for integrity but also for our flourishing.

    And to that end, I think when it comes to our desires, C.S. Lewis put it best when he said,

    “It seems our Lord finds our desires not too strong but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures mucking about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us! Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the street, incapable of understanding what is meant by a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

    I completely agree.

    I fully believe that the issue with our desires is usually not that they are wicked or wrong, it’s that they are too weak.

    Indeed, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the obvious things but never actually get to the heart of what we need.

    Friends, I can’t say for sure what the deepest desires of your heart are, but if you’re anything like me, I suspect that you want at least some of these things:

    Love.

    Joy.

    Justice.

    Mercy.

    Security.

    Identity.

    Purpose.

    Truth.

    Intimacy.

    Peace.

    If you click on the links, you’ll see that all of those things are available in my man JC.

    Truly, I don’t like being too prescriptive, but personally, I can tell you that when I discovered that everything I deep down really wanted was found in Jesus, my life changed completely.

    Jesus is honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I just want Him more than anything, which has really done wonders for my integrity!

    Because now my declarations and demonstrations are an outpouring of an inward reality.

    In short, I’ve got integrity generated from the inside out.

    The King of All Creation holds my heart, directs hands, and informs my mouth.

    And while I don’t always do things perfectly, by and large, I no longer speak to manipulate or deceive.

    I don’t act based upon the smiles or censure of the watching community.

    And I 100% don’t live in dutiful misery.

    And hey, you may not believe what I believe (though, if you’re at all curious about Jesus, please, please reach out to me), but regardless, I do hope this piece helped you think a bit about your declarations, demonstrations, and desires, and ultimately, has helped you see whether or not you have 3D integrity!

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share.

    It costs you nothing!

    It’s just nice to know I have readers out there 🙂

    Delight yourself in the Lord,
        and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord;
        trust in Him, and He will act.
    He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
        and your justice as the noonday.
    Psalm 37:4-6

    Are You Crushing At A Distance?

    I was recently flipping through an old photo album and stumbled upon this gem:

    Friends…

    Two-year-old Sarah evidently had game.

    I can assure you, twenty-two-year-old Sarah cannot say the same.

    In fact, as far as romantic relationships go, in the twenty years since that photo, I’ve tallied a big ole goose egg.

    Now, there are plenty of reasons for this, but a big one is the fact that I’ve always been much more comfortable with crushing than, you know, relationships.

    I blame this on the fact that I tend to be a bit of a skeptic.

    Funnily enough, the Greek word for skeptic actually means to “check out at a distance,” which, at least to me, seems like an apt description for what’s happening when you’re crushing on somebody.

    You’re checking them out a distance.

    Which is fine!

    I don’t know about you, but I want to be sure the person isn’t coo-coo banana pants or apt to bite.

    However!

    I’ve also learned that if, after a time, you see that that person really is alright, you can’t keep standing at a distance if you want a real relationship.

    You’ve got to be willing to close it.

    And see, that’s been a real sticking point for me because closing the distance involves three objectively challenging things:

    1. Exclusivity
    2. Vulnerability
    3. Insecurity

    And so this week, I want to discuss how I’ve reckoned with and thought through all three because I firmly believe that closing the distance is a truly wonderful and worthwhile thing.

    Challenge #1: Exclusivity

    One of my absolute favorite guilty pleasure movies is hands down This Means War starring Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, and Tom Hardy.

    The basic premise is this: two CIA agents/lifelong best friends unknowingly start dating the same girl, and when they discover their love angle situation, it leads to all sorts of drama and shenanigans.

    I won’t spoil who she ends up with, but the below clip from the end of the movie provides a helpful illustration for how closing the distance requires that you actually pick.

    Animated GIF

    She can’t choose both of them in the end.

    It’s got to be one or the other, or she’s going off the cliff.

    And listen, if I were being forced to pick between Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, I would probably be a little stiff.

    Indeed, I submit that a lot of people today don’t want to close the distance precisely because they don’t want to close out potential alternatives.

    I’ve definitely fallen into this kind of thinking before, but, friends, what I’ve come to see is that true intimacy demands exclusivity.

    See, if you reference the photo of little Sarah above, you’ll notice that there is not a lot of space between me and my mini Prince Charming.

    We’re attached at the lips, and if either of us tried to stuff another person between us, they simply wouldn’t fit.

    We’d have to break our connection to get them in.

    And here’s the thing:

    It’s easy to rag on exclusivity and bemoan all the people you will surely miss if you’re already attached at the lips, but what I’ve come to see is that while it’s easy to define exclusivity negatively (i.e. by all the people you will miss), you can also define it positively as the presence of commitment.

    Because, in the end, what you’re saying when you decide to close the distance and lock lips is:

    “You’re it.”

    “I’ve picked.”

    And having done that, you can now have a much, much deeper relationship, which, at least if you ask me, is well worth the price of exclusivity.

    Challenge #2: Vulnerability

    The second thing that I think gives most people pause when it comes to closing the distance between a crush and a relationship is the simple risk of it.

    I mean, if you want a proof of how dangerous closing the distance can be, look no further than this scene from the fourth season of Vikings.

    Animated GIF

    I don’t know about you, but that gave me second thoughts about kissing.

    I’m being slightly facetious here.

    I don’t actually think potential paramours carry knives up their sleeves, but the fact remains that closing the distance requires vulnerability, both physically and emotionally.

    And yet… neither of those things are easy, especially when you’ve been “knifed” before, so to speak.

    However!

    Electing to stand at a distance ad infinitum sets you up for monstrosity.

    I’m not even kidding.

    If you don’t believe me, you should read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (check out Dr. Karen Swallow Prior’s newly released guided edition!).

    In the story, Dr. Frankenstein’s creation (he doesn’t actually have a name) is initially kind and gentle, seeking connection and affection from humanity.

    However, after being chased away, beaten, and even shot by various humans (Dr. Frankenstein included), he comes to the conclusion that his lot will never change, goes fully incel, and sets out on a murderous rampage.

    Now, I’m no psychologist, but I suspect his devolution has something to do with a point well made by C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves:

    To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

    That was the choice Dr. Frankenstein’s creation ultimately made–to lock up his heart from humanity and keep himself far, far away.

    And that decision changed him.

    It dulled his capacity to love and ultimately made him monstrous inside.

    I think about that a lot.

    Because my natural default setting is to remember the times I’ve been relationally chased away, beaten, shot, and/or knifed, and in those moments, keeping my distance seems absolutely prime.

    But friends…

    I think C.S. Lewis was right.

    To love at all is to be vulnerable.

    You’ve got to risk it to get the biscuit, so to speak.

    The alternative is both monstrous and, frankly, pretty bleak.

    Challenge #3: Insecurity

    Alright, friends.

    We’re almost to the end.

    Thank you for hanging with me–the fact that people take the time to read my musings means the world to me.

    Also, PSA: if you haven’t seen The Titanic, I’m about to spoil the movie.

    Sorry! But I think its conclusion captures closing the distance’s last major difficulty: insecurity.

    Now, I don’t mean insecurity in the self-conscious sense.

    I mean it in terms of life’s general unpredictableness.

    See, the unfortunate thing about relationships is that happily ever afters are not guaranteed.

    Indeed, as demonstrated in The Titanic, it is entirely possible that after overcoming hang ups concerning exclusivity and stomaching vulnerability, you might close the distance and form a deep relationship only to lose it unexpectedly.

    Rose chose Jack over Cal.

    Bore the whole kit and kaboodle of herself. #paintmelikeoneofyourfrenchgirls

    And then…

    Jack turned into a popsicle.

    True Love Cry GIF

    As a writer, I can appreciate the drama of the scene, but as a viewer, I’m one of those charming people who shouts at the screen,

    “What are you doing? There’s room on the stupid door for you both–move your butt, Rose!”

    I’m not even kidding.

    And yet, for all that, I can’t deny that the film drives home a significant and sobering fact:

    Closing the distance is no guarantee against death.

    I don’t mean to put too fine a point on this, but, to quote Chuck Palahniuk, “everyone you love will die.”

    It is not a question of if but of when, and that makes closing the distance seem almost masochistic in the end.

    Indeed, in Augustine’s Confessions he describes the weight of grief that followed the death of a close friend like this:

    “The reason why that grief had penetrated me so easily and deeply was that I had poured out my soul onto the sand by loving a person sure to die as if he would never die.”

    If death is, in fact, THE END, closing the distance is just another form of pouring your soul onto the sand.

    And who in their right mind would want to do that?

    However…

    If death is not THE END, that changes the calculus.

    My man Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it like this:

    “Death is hell and night and cold, if it is not transformed by our faith. But that is just what is so marvelous, that we can transform death.”

    Amen.

    Amen. Amen. Amen.

    I can personally attest to the fact that once you know that death is not THE END, closing the distance becomes not a masochistic pouring of your soul upon the sand but rather a foretaste of Heaven, which, if you know me, I’m a big fan.

    In fact, to that end, it was a bit of a fib when I said that I’m not/have never been in a relationship because while it’s not romantic per se, I am definitely in a relationship these days, and let me just tell you, it’s changed everything.

    “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:55-57.

    And so, friends, if you presently find yourself crushing at a distance, take it from me:

    Closing the distance is a truly wonderful and worthwhile thing.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

    It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

    How To Have Kinder Conversations

    Hi friends.

    It’s been a minute.

    So sorry for being MIA, but I’ve been doing some rather intense soul searching as of late in a bid to discern whether or not I should keep Cultiv8ing Character going.

    For why?

    Well, a number of things, but a biggie is that I’ve had a number of conversations in the last few weeks which have revealed to me that I am not nearly as articulate/as good of a communicator as I need to be, and as a result, I’ve become increasingly wary of saying/writing/sharing anything for fear that it may be unhelpful, unclear, unkind, and/or unnecessary.

    But!

    A few people recently let me know that they do actually find some of the things I share helpful and have missed hearing from me, so I’m dipping my toe back in this week to share three key things that have (thus far) been helpful for me when it comes to having conversations that are kinder, gentler, and life-giving.

    And they are…

    1. Self-Censorship
    2. Knowing My Conversationalist(s)
    3. Keeping My Eyes On Relation-ships

    So if you, like me have found yourself having conversations go poorly as of late, please feel free to read 🙂

    1. Self-Censorship

    If you don’t know this about me, I am an external processor (i.e. I have to talk/write in order to think).

    Unfortunately, when it comes to conversing with another human being, a problem with external processing is sometimes (often) I say things without thinking.

    Now, I don’t like conflict generally, but I especially don’t like it when it’s a result of me speaking impetuously or thoughtlessly, so I’ve been doing my best to curb my external processor and practice self-censoring.

    Pray for me.

    Shutting up does not come naturally 🙂

    HOWEVER!

    The fruits of the Spirit (per Galatians 5:22-23) are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, and I’m constantly reminding myself that through Christ, all things, including shutting up, are possible.

    However, if you ask me, self-censorship–at its best–isn’t only about self-control.

    It’s also about discerning what is good, what is true, and what is honorable.

    In 1 Corinthians 10:23, Paul writes, “All things are permissible, but not all things are good. All things are permissible, but not all things build up.”

    And see, when it comes to conversing with another human being, I think that’s such an important principle to keep in mind because while we have the ability to say anything we like, we also have a responsibility to discern what speaks life.

    Put another way, in the 1993 Jurassic Park movie, Dr. Ian Malcolm (AKA Jeff Goldblum) notes,

    “Scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

    The results were… not good.

    jurassic park dinosaurs GIF by IFC

    And if you ask me, a failure to ask ourselves that question of could vs. should in conversation often goes similarly poorly.

    I mean, when I think back to all the conversations I’ve had that have devolved into arguments, I can almost always identify a point where I should’ve stopped myself and said:

    “Okay. I know I could say that. In fact, it would probably feel really freaking good to say that. But should I say that?”

    Nine times out of ten, the answer is “no,” but because I didn’t stop to ask myself that question, we get:

    Lets Go Start GIF

    And that’s just really not desirable.

    So, again.

    If you find yourself struggling to have pleasant conversations, I highly, highly recommend trying some self-censorship.

    2. Know Your Conversationalist(s)

    For those of you who don’t know, I’m currently in the process of writing a Young Adult low-fantasy novel.

    Let me just say, fiction writing is a ride, and I frequently have days where I go from “I am absolutely brilliant” to “Wow. Yo soy total idiot.”

    Anyways!

    If you check out fiction writing advice sites, one tip you will almost always get is make sure you know your characters.

    A-freaking-men.

    I personally think that’s the best fiction writing advice there is because, friends, I speak from experience when I say if you try to write a character you don’t know or understand, they will make absolutely no sense, and you will be left feeling annoyed and frustrated.

    And here’s the thing.

    I think the same principle applies to real-life human beings.

    I, for one, have definitely had interactions, particularly conversations, where I’ve felt like the other person is making absolutely no sense, and what I’ve come to see is that almost universally what this means is I don’t know them well enough yet.

    Specifically, I’m missing something that would explain why they are saying strange things or acting in a way I find frustrating.

    In the writing world, this missing piece is called backstory or character history, and it informs everything.

    Think Severus Snape being in love with Lily.

    Will Hunting being abused as a boy.

    Edmond Dantes being betrayed by his friends and fiancé.

    Without knowing a character’s–and, I submit, a conversationalist’s–backstory, when they do or say something with which we disagree, it can be really difficult to see them sympathetically and far, far easier to simply write them off as unintelligent, malicious, and/or annoying.

    I’ve certainly fallen into that trap in the past, but the process of fiction writing has shown me the importance of knowing someone’s backstory, and to that end, I really, really like this quote by John Steinbeck:

    “Try to understand men, if you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and nearly always leads to love.”

    And so, if you, like me, have ever found yourself getting frustrated or annoyed with another person you think is not making any sense, I recommend considering if maybe, you just don’t know their whole story yet.

    3. Keep Your Eyes On The Relation-ship

    Ever since sixth grade Language Arts with Sycamore School’s incomparable Ms. Mary O’Malley, I have enjoyed looking into the roots of words and their meanings.

    I just find it really interesting.

    I particularly like doing this with words that are frequently used because getting to the actual roots, I’ve found, at least for me, can rescue truth from familiarity.

    I think this is the case with “conversation.

    If you look up the dictionary definition, you’ll get something like this:

    “A talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.”

    However, broken into its constituent root words:

    con (together)

    vers (turning)

    -tion (the state of)

    And arranged to avoid a dangling preposition, we get:

    “The state of turning together.”

    And see, I think that provides much more insight into what a conversation can and should be because, if you ask me, a conversation is not merely about exchanging information–it’s about learning to turn–to navigate–a ship.

    A relation-ship, to be specific, and the people on board are you and your conversationalist(s).

    Friends, I know it’s cheesy, but I’ve found that thinking of conversations this way has really changed the game for me because, previously, I had a lot of conversations where I got to port looking like this:

    Like A Boss Ship GIF

    I’d jettisoned my conversationalist(s) and nearly sunk the ship.

    For why?

    Well, a myriad of reasons, but high and chief was my commitment to telling the truth, no matter the consequences.

    Now, I’m in no way saying telling the truth is bad, but the manner in which I did it tended to blow holes in the deck.

    In brief, I was so busy trying to direct the ship that I didn’t have my eyes on it, and the end result was basically the titanic.

    the captain GIF

    Now, I like to think I’ve come a long way since then, but there are definitely still conversations where, convinced I am correct, I start to lose sight of relationships.

    And during those instances, the most helpful thing for me to do is remind myself of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 1-2:

    “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

    I can be 100% correct–a bona fide prophetess–but if I’m spouting facts without loving my conversationalist(s), it counts for zip, which, at least for me, is a solid incentive to keep my eyes on my relationships.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

    It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

    Are You Mr./Ms. Lonely?

    Ten years ago (prior to tweens and toddlers all having iPhones), there was pretty much nothing to do on a 35-minute drive to school except listen to the radio.

    I mean, yes, some of my friends had the fancy cars with DVD players built into the ceiling/headrests, but my parents were trying to teach my sister and me how to live with disappointment.

    So we had SiriusXM.

    But don’t worry!

    We made the most of it.

    See, everyday for 35 minutes either way, we would listen to the same show on radio:

    Animal Farm hosted by Kenny Curtis.

    It was a great show and is apparently still operational!

    But the more relevant fact is that we could call in and make song requests, and there were a handful of songs that were veritable kryptonite to my dad.

    I bet you can guess which songs we’d request.

    Sorry, not sorry, Dad 🙂

    Anyways!

    One of the songs he absolutely could not stand was Mr. Lonely (The Alvin & The Chipmunks Rendition).

    The moment it came on, he’d start groaning,

    “No! No. Nooooo…”

    And nine times out of ten, he’d turn off the radio.

    Now, whatever you think of the song, when it comes to the prospect of being Mr./Ms. Lonely, most people’s response is similarly visceral.

    No!

    No.

    Nooooo…

    Most everyone I know recoils at the thought of being left dancing on their own, which isn’t all that surprising given that in Genesis 2:18, God says,

    “It is not good for man to be alone.”

    Being Mr./Ms. Lonely is not the goal.

    And so!

    This week, I want to discuss three of the most prevalent ways loneliness manifests today (physically, experientially, relationally) and offer some steps you can take to ensure that, in every case, Mr./Ms. Lonely is not your name.

    #1 Physical Loneliness

    If you’ve ever seen Shawshank Redemption, you know the place you do not want to go is “The Hole.”

    Solitary confinement is a special kind of miserable.

    And yet, post-2020, there are now a lot more people who know what it is like to literally be alone.

    I recently saw a twitter thread wherein a single man shared how crippling quarantine in the UK has been for him, particularly the physical loneliness, and golly gosh, it made we want to cry.

    Now, in normal times, the solution to this would be simple:

    Get out there and mingle!

    However, I’ve been trying to think of evergreen advice that you can try even in pandemic times, and I’ve come up with this:

    If you’re feeling physically lonely, try to diversify your love languages.

    I first learned about Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages in high school, and if you don’t know what your preferred way of giving/receiving love is, I highly recommend you take this quick online quiz.

    Personally, I’ve long been tied between physical touch and quality time, so not being able to freely hug or be with the people I love has been a bumpy ride.

    HOWEVER!

    It’s also forced me to more seriously explore and practice Chapman’s other three love languages:

    Words of affirmation.

    Giving/receiving gifts.

    Acts of service.

    For words of affirmation, I’ve been writing a ton of long overdue thank you notes and calling family/friends with the explicit goal of encouraging them.

    For gifts, I’ve given out a ridiculous number of Trinity Forum Gift Memberships. I couldn’t help myself–TTF’s Readings and Conversations are so freaking rich.

    And for acts of service, I’ve been helping friends edit applications, essays, cover letters, and briefs. It’s been a great way to catch up with them, and if you like to read/write, I highly recommend it!

    All that to say, diversifying my love languages has really helped me deal with feelings of isolation and physical loneliness because while I might not be able to freely touch my friends’ or family’s hands, I can still touch their hearts.

    I can still touch their minds.

    I can still touch their lives.

    So if you, like me, have lately felt physically lonely, I recommend you check out Chapman and try to diversify your love languages!

    #2 Experiential Loneliness

    Over the summer, I read a book called Song for A Whale by Lynne Kelly.

    The story follows a 12-year-old deaf girl, Iris, after she learns about Blue-55, a whale who communicates at a unique hertz level and can’t be understood by other whales, earning him the title “the loneliest whale in the world.”

    It was a really, really sweet story, but more than that, it was incredibly helpful for me when it comes to reflecting on what it means to be experientially lonely.

    See, both Iris and Blue-55 have unique experiences of life.

    Her deafness and his communicative challenges make it so that even in a room (or sea) full of people (or fish), both feel alone.

    And that is #relatable.

    If you’ve been here for long, you’ll know that two big parts of my story are chronic sickness and addiction, and while those are certainly not unique to me, they aren’t common in my immediate friends or family.

    Now, hear me.

    God has blessed me with the most amazing family and friends. I do not know what I would do without them! But for a really long time, I struggled with feelings of loneliness.

    While I wouldn’t wish chronic sickness or addiction on anybody (certainly not my friends or family!), there have 100% been moments where I thought to myself,

    “They don’t get it. They don’t understand. They’re trying to help, but it’s just alien to them.”

    And it made me really sad.

    HOWEVER!

    Those days are largely in the past because about half a year ago I realized that a lot of the loneliness I felt stemmed from consistently feeling like I was on the outs of an invitation.

    See, due to my health problems and history of addiction, a lot of the activities enjoyed by my family and friends are things I simply can’t partake in, and even if they want me to go, I often have to say, “no.”

    But here’s the thing I’ve come to see that’s really, really helped me:

    Whatever experiences are unique to me or you, they don’t preclude us from issuing invitations too!

    For example, one of my favorite things to do is read, and thus, I’ve started asking people to do book-swaps and buddy reads with me.

    I recommend it.

    Highly.

    But even if you aren’t keen on book-swaps or buddy-reading, you can issue an invitation for just about anything!

    And believe me, creating a shared experience does a lot to combat experiential loneliness, and while the people you love may not be able to get or understand your life 100% of the time, you can at least take the initiative to bring them into the parts you like.

    #3 Relational Loneliness

    For the last three weeks, one of my dearest friends in the whole wide world has been staying with me, and I’m already emo at the thought of her leaving.

    Seriously.

    I’ve unilaterally declared our friendship song to be “Evermore” from the live action Beauty & The Beast.

    She’s Belle.

    I’m The Beast.

    Anyways!

    We were talking the other night about all sorts of things from the masterpiece that is The Princess & The Frog to philosophical debates about condoms, and during a lull in the conversation, I just had to express how very grateful I am that God gave me such a friend.

    You see, having now lived with me for almost a month (she’s got two more weeks to go–pray for her!), she knows how truly “coo-coo banana pants” I am, and unlike Belle, she hasn’t run away.

    Yet.

    In all seriousness, though, she’s someone who has seen the dark (and I mean dark) parts of my heart and still loves me the same.

    That is so incredibly rare today, and I fully acknowledge I’ve been supremely blessed because so many people I know struggle with feeling unknown and unloved (AKA relational loneliness).

    I’ve been trying to figure out why this is for a while, and presently, I think it’s due to two main things:

    Our unwillingness to let people in AND a belief that if we did, they’d run screaming in the other direction or wouldn’t care/be interested.

    Both are poison to forming deep relationships, and yet I recently finished reading The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory, where the main character, Alexa, expresses those exact sentiments when explaining why she did a runner on her love interest:

    “I was scared I’d lay myself bare for nothing, and I was scared I would reveal my whole self to him and he would avert his eyes.”

    I’d hazard a guess and bet most of us have felt like that at least once in our lives.

    It’s terrifying to reveal our hearts, particularly the dark parts, and risk another’s rejection or indifference and far easier to retreat into the relative safety of casual sex, work/school acquaintances, and utility-based relationships.

    But oh friends…

    That’s a life of loneliness.

    Unofficial Protestant Pope Tim Keller puts it like this:

    “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

    Amen.

    Amen. Amen. Amen.

    So, friends, if you’re struggling with relational loneliness, ask yourself,

    “Does anyone know the dark parts of my heart and still love me the same?”

    If not, is it because you’re afraid to put your whole heart on display?

    Or is it because you’ve already done that and had someone walk away?

    In either case, I want to encourage you today with the fact that there is a God out there who knows everything you’ve ever said, thought, or done and still sent His Son to die on a cross so that you could be made clean.

    I guarantee He won’t walk away from you for anything.

    He wants you just like He wants sick, broken, sinful me for eternity.

    The last–absolute last–thing He wants is for us to be lonely.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

    It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

    “If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” 1 John 4:15-18

    Cite Your Sources!

    If you are or have ever been a college student, you know that this time of the year is a bundle of rest and stress.

    Rest because of the holidays.

    Stress because final papers and exams are incoming.

    Now, I’m on a MLOA so I don’t technically have any papers to write or exams to sit, but I’ve got a lot of friends who are in the thick of it.

    One friend in particular has a 20 page+ whopper of a paper coming due on Alexis de Tocqueville, and she already knows this, but I am praying for you!

    Because last spring I had a 20 page-er to write, and it low key made me want to die.

    But take heart because that paper turned out alright!

    You can actually read it here if you’re in the mood to vicariously poke a few naturalistic scientists in the eye.

    ANYWAYS.

    Thinking about and praying for all my dear friends in finals land brought to mind something I’ve been wanting to write about for a very long time, and it is this:

    The value and importance of citing your sources.

    I’m not even kidding.

    Friends, citing your sources is of the utmost importance!

    For why?

    Well…

    1. It gives credit where credit is due.
    2. It helps you recall the sources you used.
    3. It prevents plagiarism (i.e. taking credit for things you didn’t do).

    AND HERE’S THE THING.

    These reasons for citing your sources apply not only to papers but to life in general.

    And if you ask me, they’re seriously beneficial.

    So today, I want to discuss why it’s both worthwhile and important to sit down and cite your sources.

    1. It Gives Credit Where Credit Is Due.

    A little over a week ago, a friend of mine sent me an email with an excerpt from an essay she’d written wherein she mentioned me.

    Yeah. I know.

    I’m not going to front.

    I was a little bit scared to read because Lord knows there’s a lot someone could say about me–much of it not particularly flattering, especially since she knew pre-Cultiv8ing Character me.

    However!

    This friend is an absolute sweetheart, and the excerpt was so freaking encouraging.

    To be clear, it wasn’t like she waxed poetic about me or anything.

    It was just a reflection on how our friendship had helped her practice diplomacy.

    *grins.*

    Friends, she is most definitely the diplomat in our relationship.

    In all seriousness, though, I doubt she could’ve guessed just how much reading her words meant to me.

    Generally speaking, I don’t think we grasp how life-giving acknowledging someone for the good they do or the positive way they’ve impacted us can be.

    After all, how much can a citation really mean?

    I’ll just say that personally, an encouraging word from another friend a little over a year ago was the difference between life and death for me.

    So yes, I know it can be a bit of a hassle to identify good things in another human being, reflect on how they have affected you personally, and then express both things clearly.

    BUT!

    In the case of both people and papers, I think citations are well worth the effort because giving credit where you think credit is due is saying,

    “I see something worthwhile in you.”

    And golly gosh, friends, that’s something we’ve got to do.

    I mean, Hebrews 10:24 says we’re meant to spur one another on and encourage one another to love and good deeds, and to that end, a citation, a shout out, a word of encouragement can be just what the people in our lives need.

    And here’s the crazy thing!

    Giving credit where credit is due is not only good for the person you’re citing.

    It’s also good for you.

    2. It Helps You Recall The Sources You Used.

    If you know me, you know I love to read.

    In fact, my childhood dream was to have a Beauty & The Beast-esque library.

    Lowkey still a dream.

    However!

    I fully recognize that a library that big would have WAY more books than I could ever read, and in the past, I’ve struggled to keep track of the books I’ve read already!

    See, I don’t know about you, but I forget things.

    Frequently.

    Goodreads says I’ve read a book, and I’m like,

    will ferrell elf GIF

    Could not tell you what’s inside the pages to save my life.

    But apparently, this isn’t just a me thing!

    According to a fair bit of research, it only takes ONE MONTH for most people to forget 90% of something they’ve read/heard/watched/experienced/etc.

    One month and 90% is just poof!

    Gone.

    Is that not absurd?

    I think it’s absurd, but take heart because the fix for this is pretty straightforward!

    Common sense and experts concur that the best safeguard against the so-called “forgetfulness curve” is repeated exposure.

    Now, I’m sure most of us do not have the time to recollect and rehash everything we’ve ever read/heard/watched/experienced/etc.

    HOWEVER!

    I think it behooves us to earmark and cite the major contributors.

    Personally, I keep a running document of book quotes, poetry, movie clips, lyrics, Bible verses, and anecdotes that I find particularly funny, poignant, or interesting so I can cite them more easily.

    And here’s the thing!

    The more I cite them, the easier it is to recall and recite them verbatim (which, I have to admit, is a pretty neat party trick).

    But more importantly!

    Citing the things I’ve read/heard/watched/experienced/etc. hasn’t only improved my memory.

    It’s humbled me.

    Significantly.

    Because I’m constantly reminded that innumerable sources have informed and poured into me, making what I do little more than repackaging.

    Which brings me to reason #3 why citing your sources is a great, good thing!

    3. It Prevents Plagiarism (i.e. Taking Credit for Things You Didn’t Do).

    Last month, I was listening to a talk by Oxford Professor Emeritus and triple doctorate John Lennox wherein he said,

    “You know, scientists of all people ought to be very humble. Have you noticed–I hope you have–that scientists did not create the universe? No–they didn’t put it there! And you know another thing, they didn’t create the human brain! They study a given with a given, so they ought to be very humble people… We are nothing but what we have been given.”

    That, my friends, is a hot take.

    Claiming we are nothing but what we have been given in an age when being “self-made” is all the rage is not a very PC thing to say.

    But I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

    Like a lot, a lot.

    Not least because I recently found an IQ assessment I had in pre-K which put me in the “very superior intelligence” category.

    Now, my IQ has clearly declined precipitously, but the more important point is that at the tender age of three, I’d done nothing to earn or deserve that designation.

    Trust me.

    I had absolutely no role in my supposedly “very superior intelligence” unless there is a hitherto unknown positive relationship between IQ and sticking crayons in expensive electronics.

    Rather, my mind–indeed my life–was and is a gift.

    I can’t take credit for it.

    And that, friends, is so freaking important yet all too easy to forget.

    It’s incredibly tempting to take credit for our gifts, especially when we’ve slaved over their development, but last I checked, you still have to cite your paper’s sources no matter how hard you worked on it.

    See, in the end, citing your sources comes down to acknowledging two things:

    Origin and ownership.

    When you fail to cite, what you’re saying is

    I did this. This is mine.”

    Instead of gratitude what you’ve got is an attitude.

    Plagiarism is, after all, ultimately an issue of pride.

    We think we can get away with that lie.

    We won’t get caught.

    It’ll be totally fine.

    Taking credit for something you didn’t do isn’t even that big of a deal, right?

    I suggest you ask the person you plagiarized.

    See what they say.

    I have a niggling suspicion it won’t be “Okay!”

    All that to say,

    Giving credit where credit is due…

    Recalling the sources that have poured into you…

    And not taking credit for things you didn’t do…

    Are, if you ask me, really good life rules because while our gifts are presently ours to use (or abuse), I believe there is a capital G Gifter we are ultimately accountable to.

    “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”Job 1:21

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

    It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

    A Day of Drought

    Last Thursday, I got up bright and early and headed to the phlebotomist for my latest battery of blood tests.

    It actually went worse than you’d expect.

    See, the longer I’ve been sick, the more difficult getting my blood has been, and it’s now to the point where I’ve had not one but TWO people suggest I consider getting stuck in the carotid.

    Banshee GIF Shop — A needle to the neck, sucka

    I’m not excited about it.

    However, I’m currently averaging 5-7 sticks a draw because my blood likes to clot and my veins are stupidly small, so it’s either a needle to the neck or this:

    Funny Kung Fu Panda - Acupuncture animated gif

    Decisions… decisions…

    Anyways!

    On Thursday, my veins would not cooperate.

    They were hiding and rolling away, and just to pin them down and pop them out, the phlebotomist had to bring out every trick in the place.

    Warm compresses, a special vein light, a super-tourniquet, THREE needles ranging in size from “butterfly” to “Omygosh I want to die.”

    Seriously.

    If you’ve never had the megalodon of needles stuck in your arm and wiggled around, blessed art thou because HOLY COW.

    I had to keep my arm in place, but my legs could’ve given the Rockettes a run for their money.

    Christmas In Rockefeller 2019 GIF by NBC

    And still…

    Nothing worked.

    There was not a drop of blood to be had.

    “How much water have you today?” the phlebotomist finally asked.

    Now, I did my best not to look insulted because when it comes to hydrating for blood draws, I’m a veritable pro.

    “Eighty-eight ounces.”

    She about choked.

    “Well, you’re not dehydrated,” she said, wiggling “Omygosh I want to die” again.

    And yet, still no red.

    “I don’t understand,” she mused, bringing the light to my arm, “I’m in the vein.”

    I glared at the nine empty vials on the tray.

    “Come on,” I thought. “Bleed already!”

    Nothing.

    “You’re bone dry,” the phlebotomist said, shaking her head. “I think you’ll have to come back another day. I’m really sorry.”

    Friends, I was so upset.

    I did my best not to show it because I knew the phlebotomist had done her best, but it had taken weeks of monkeying around with insurance, loads of phone calls to local labs, and a week of being buffeted by symptoms since I’d had to come off all my meds.

    And in the end…

    None of it mattered.

    My body hadn’t cooperated.

    There was nothing left to do.

    “Omygosh I want to die” was removed, and the phlebotomist walked me back to the front and started to explain to my mom what had happened.

    I wasn’t really listening. I didn’t need the re-run. I was there. It wasn’t fun.

    But then the phlebotomist said something that got my attention.

    “Poor thing,” she told my mom. “God bless her.

    Friends…

    I was not feeling particularly blessed.

    I felt discouraged. My arms hurt. And I was full on about to pee my pants.

    And yet…

    Her words reminded me of Jeremiah 17:7-8 which says,

    “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

    I let out a breath.

    Blessed.

    He calls me blessed.

    “God bless her,” the phlebotomist said.

    He already has, I thought.

    He already has.

    Now, don’t get me wrong.

    My arms still ached and an accident was imminent (88oz comes at you fast, especially when your loving mother decides to drive on the bumpiest road known to man), but I wasn’t discouraged anymore.

    Because in that moment, I was reminded of God’s faithfulness.

    Oh dear friends, He has shown up for me again and again.

    I mean, if you’ve been around here long, you know He delivered me from suicide and addiction, and I believe someday He’ll deliver me from this affliction.

    But until then, I’m resolved to be “like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream” with “no worries in a year of drought” because I know–I know–God’s doing a work in me.

    So yes.

    My veins might be dry as the Sahara, and I may need to get a needle to the neck.

    BUT!

    I also know that I’ve got living water in my soul, and God’s not done with me yet.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

    It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

    Physicians On Missions

    The summer before my freshman year of college, I sat in my doctor’s office and calmly explained why I would not be getting the HPV Vaccine.

    My argument was simple:

    I was abstinent and staying that way, and therefore, I did not need a sex-related vaccine.

    The doctor frowned at me.

    “I was like you,” she said, shaking her head. “I went to college thinking I wouldn’t go out and party or drink, but things change. You need to be safe.”

    “No thanks.”

    She rolled her stool over to me. “Sarah, I’m serious. You could be raped.”

    I must have had an unimpressed look on my face because she proceeded to tell me sexual assault was all but a guarantee, and that if I didn’t get stabbed in the arm right then and there, rape and cervical cancer were coming for me.

    I didn’t find her at all convincing.

    Besides, I’d been prepped the year prior by a real, live FBI agent on what to do if someone tried to touch me in a way I didn’t like.

    Grab the groin.

    Squeeze the groin.

    Wring that sucker out like a washcloth.

    Gouge the eyes.

    If someone came at me, I was confident I would be fine.

    “I don’t need the shot,” I said again.

    She sighed, pure exasperation in her eyes, no doubt thinking I was going to get cervical dysplasia and die.

    “You don’t understand,” she said, producing a pamphlet and shoving it in my hand.

    Now, if you know me, you know I love to read, so a pamphlet was right up my alley.

    However, I also hate needles, so I was not about to get stabbed unnecessarily.

    Fearmongering pamphlet notwithstanding.

    As if sensing she was wasting her time, the doctor huffed, looked up at me, and delivered her closing line:

    “Well, what happens if you sit on a public bus seat that’s covered in semen, and you’re wearing a dress without underwear on?”

    kevin hart what GIF by Saturday Night Live

    Friends, there are a handful of things I know I’ll never forget, and that question is one of them.

    Truly.

    It could be my epitaph:

    “Here lies Sarah Christine, a girl who sat, sans-underwear, on a semen-coated bus seat.”

    C’est la vie.

    But seriously.

    Having lived in D.C. for three years and ridden public buses regularly, I can say with certainty that no seat I’ve encountered has ever been adorned so…

    Indecorously.

    Not to mention that I went to a high school where we wore kilts everyday so I know full well that underwear is not an accessory.

    It is a necessity.

    And yet…

    I gave in and got the shot.

    I know! I know!

    I should’ve held the line.

    But friends, I don’t know if you’ve ever gone toe-to-toe with a physician on a mission, but let me tell you, it is a fight.

    Because they are convinced they’re 100% right and are prepared to insist to the point of ridiculousness that they know exactly how to proceed.

    And sadly, under the force of their insistence and sesquipedalian degrees, many, including me, simply give in and cede defeat.

    I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.

    Like, a lot–a lot.

    Because as far as I can see, the physician on a mission mentality has spread like a contagious disease.

    Indeed, there are many in our society today who are prepared to insist that they know just what you and I need–not solely in the realm of sex-vaccines–but in everything, and I look at those people with an enormous sense of unease.

    See, I think Princetonian J. Gresham Machen said it best when he wrote almost a hundred years ago,

    “It never seems to occur to modern legislatures that although ‘welfare’ is good, forced welfare may be bad.”

    Amen.

    Amen. Amen. Amen.

    And so today, friends, I thought it would be a good idea to discuss how politici–

    Excuse me.

    I mean, physicians on missions operate, so that we are prepared on appointment day to, if necessary, go toe-to-toe with them and say,

    “No. Thanks.”

    Physician On A Mission Step One: Sincerity

    I recently read Iris Murdoch’s essay collection The Sovereignty of Good, (which, if you haven’t read it, you really should) wherein she says,

    “It is significant that the idea of goodness (and of virtue) has been largely superseded in Western moral philosophy by the idea of rightness, supported perhaps by some conception of sincerity.

    If you revisit the anecdote above, you will see the good doctor practically oozed sincerity.

    She sincerely believed that a sex-vaccine was something I’d need based on her personal experience and professional expertise.

    I sincerely disagreed.

    The fact that we were at odds in our sincerity should be a good indicator that sincerity is not, itself, a great, good thing.

    Rather it is a morally neutral thing made laudable or contemptable by the content of its associated belief.

    If the belief or end is malformed or diseased, holding it sincerely is not a great, good thing.

    In fact, in those cases, sincerity can actually worsen matters.

    Significantly.

    Because, in its worst iteration, sincerity does a few things.

    It makes you think no reasonable person could disagree.

    It keeps your conscience squeaky clean.

    And perhaps most worryingly, it leads you to think that those sincerely held ends justify any and all means.

    Which ultimately leads to tyranny.

    In “A Humanitarian Theory of Punishment,” C.S. Lewis writes,

    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their conscience.”

    “They may be more likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time are likelier still to make Hell on earth. This very kindness stings with intolerable insult. To be ‘cured’ against one’s will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and animals.”

    I don’t know about you, but I see many people today who, impelled not by goodness or virtue but sincerity, are prepared to forcefully “cure” people like you and me of things which we do not regard as disease.

    And that…

    That should worry us.

    It certainly worries me.

    However!

    We need to take care not to let our worry run away because it does us absolutely no good to be afraid.

    In fact, fear actually aids politi–

    Eh-hem.

    Physicians on missions.

    Let me explain!

    Physician On A Mission Step Two: Fearmongering

    I recently re-watched Tangled (AKA one of the best Disney movies of all time) and was struck by the song “Mother Knows Best.”

    Below are the relevant lyrics!

    Mother knows best!
    Listen to your mother–
    It’s a scary world out there!
    Mother knows best!
    One way or another
    Something will go wrong, I swear
    !

    Ruffians, thugs, poison ivy, quicksand!
    Cannibals and snakes, the plague–no!
    Yes! Also large bugs, men with pointy teeth and –
    Stop, no more, you’ll just upset me
    !

    Bnha Tangled AU - 🌟💜2💜🌟 - Wattpad

    Mother Gothel’s use of scare tactics is, shall we say, relevant?

    Because, ultimately, what she is trying to do is frighten Rapunzel into compliance.

    Which is exactly what the good doctor tried to do to me.

    Doctor knows best!
    Listen to your doctor–
    It’s a scary world out there!
    Doctor knows best!
    One way or another
    Something will go wrong, I swear
    !

    Sexual assault, cervical dysplasia!
    HPV and rape, guaranteed-no!
    Yes! Also, read this, cancer, cancer, can-
    Stop, no more, you’ll just upset me
    !

    Frankly, I might’ve been more inclined to agree if she’d serenaded me.

    But that’s neither here nor there.

    My point is that physicians on missions are not above using fear.

    Now to be clear!

    They may well be correct in saying there’s something scary out there, but we should also understand that Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan was correct when he wrote,

    “The person making such a statement [a proclamation of impending doom] is asking that the power someone else has be given to him or to her.”

    Mother Gothel wanted Rapunzel to stay in the tower indefinitely.

    That doctor wanted me to agree to get an unnecessary sex-vaccine.

    Fear was a tool they used so that their goals could be achieved.

    You see, the language of existential emergency whether it invokes cannibals, snakes, the plague, imminent rape and cancer, or some other iteration of “the sky is falling!” is often disguising pure and simple demagoguery.

    The person using it is asking you to give up and give them all authority.

    And that…

    That should make us leery.

    So the next time you hear a politic–

    Pardon me–my fingers keep slipping.

    A physician on a mission that seems intent on making everything sound oh so scary, consider these two questions:

    Why are they trying to scare me?

    And!

    Does what they’re saying portray the situation accurately?

    Because, as we shall see, physicians on missions have a tendency to misrepresent reality.

    Physician On A Mission Step Three: Misrepresenting Reality

    A little over a year ago, I was watching a 60 Minutes interview wherein the person (who happened to be a politician) being interviewed said this:

    “There’s a lot of people more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right.”

    Friends, when I heard those words, a chill went down my spine.

    Because, at bottom, what was being said was that as long as you believe you are “morally right,” it’s no big deal to fudge the facts to ensure people agree with what you prescribe.

    In essence, you can lie.

    Now, beyond the simple fact that lying seems, to me, to be itself a sign of moral deficiency, misrepresenting reality, even benevolently, has deleterious effects on individuals and society.

    See, when the good doctor told me that all I’d need to do to contract HPV was sit underwear-less on a semen coated bus seat, she was pragmatically misrepresenting reality.

    It was a hypothetical extreme and, frankly, an absurdity.

    But at the time, I believed doctors were inherently trustworthy, so even though I didn’t think I was truly at risk for HPV, I agreed to get the vaccine.

    Now, the doctor likely counted my quiescence as a victory.

    No doubt she clapped herself on the back, thinking she’d done the “morally right” thing by protecting another naïve girl from getting HPV.

    But I’d argue it was a pyrrhic victory.

    Because here’s the thing.

    I walked away from the doctor’s office that day knowing two things.

    1. I’d gotten a vaccine I did not need and
    2. The doctor had manipulated if not outright lied to me.

    She was no longer trustworthy.

    And see, I think the loss of that trust is more significant than giving me a vaccine I did not need.

    And yet!

    From what I can see, many, many people have adopted the belief that they can misrepresent reality with impunity so long as they’re doing the “morally right” thing.

    And they wonder why trust in institutions has fallen precipitously.

    Eventually people see.

    We see through the sincerity.

    We see through the fearmongering.

    We see through the blatant misrepresentations of reality.

    And the end result is far from pretty.

    So…

    For my mission-minded politici–

    Physicians out there.

    Unless you want to be told “No thanks” come appointment day.

    Now might be a good time to reassess how you operate.

    That’s all for this week!

    If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

    It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

    P.S. This is not meant as an indictment of vaccines or doctors! If you want a more straightforward take on what I’m trying to say please read G.K. Chesterton’s “The Medical Mistake.”

    Don’t Waste Your Reset

    Last week, a friend and I had what could best be termed a “confession session” wherein we talked about sin, the super-annoying fact that it just doesn’t quit, and the specific ways in which we had recently given into it.

    It was a necessary discussion, and I left feeling humbled, encouraged, and, most importantly, determined.

    Because that conversation was both a chance to start fresh–a reset–and a really good reminder that no matter how far I’ve come, I must–must!–remain vigilant because sin and Satan are wickedly persistent, and if I open the door, they’ll drag me right back to where I was before.

    lindsay farris | Tumblr

    No, gracias.

    And so this week, I wanted to talk about three things to keep in mind to ensure you don’t regress in life!

    They are, in brief:

    1. You’re Not A Dog
    2. Don’t Be A Sisyphus
    3. No Abusive Relationships

    Let’s begin!

    #1 You’re Not A Dog

    You probably wouldn’t guess this about me, but once upon a time, I full on sobbed for four hours until my mom agreed to get me a puppy.

    As a result, for the last twelve years, this nugget has been a part of my family.

    I feel like we have the same dichotomous energy.

    Anyways!

    Over the years, there have been many memorable moments where he’s concerned, some of which include daring over/under the fence escape attempts, demonic possession, and fights with lawn ornaments.

    But if there’s one memory that’s indelibly pressed into my mind, it would be the time he puked all over the place, and before I could clean it up, he was re-stuffing his face.

    “APOLLO, NO!” I cried, trying to pull him away.

    But it was too late.

    The vomit had returned to its former place.

    Now, apparently when it comes to dogs, eating vomit is not at all strange.

    Which is one of many reasons why I believe the difference between species is a difference in kind rather than degree.

    If I start eating my own vomit, please check on me.

    Seriously.

    That is not normal for a human being.

    And yet…

    From what I can see, eating one’s own vomit is not as uncommon as it should be.

    At least if you ask me.

    See, I don’t know about you, but I’ve met many, many people who, having made themselves physically, emotionally, and/or mentally sick through a pattern of behavior or a particular relationship, still return to it.

    Again.

    And again.

    And again.

    Friends.

    Proverbs 26:11 says,

    “Like a dog that returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.”

    If that isn’t the truth, I don’t know what is.

    And yet, who among us has not returned to things which have made us sick?

    For fifteen years, I certainly did.

    And let me tell you, I do not recommend it.

    Vomit doesn’t taste any better the second time around, so if you’ve managed to get what’s making you sick out, I highly, highly encourage you to leave it on the ground.

    And the next time you come across the thing that made you sick, do not–I repeat not–put it in your mouth.

    #2 Don’t Be A Sisyphus

    When I was in elementary school, I was obsessed–obsessed!–with Greek mythology.

    It was fascinating to me, and one of the first pieces of fiction I ever wrote was a self-insert reimagining of the story of Persephone wherein I overthrew Hades and became Queen.

    Actually.

    I even wrote out punishments to add to the Underworld that I thought were particularly genius and unique such as the Pit of Eternal Tickling whose lone occupant was my little sister Sophie.

    Anyways!

    Last week, a picture popped up on my twitter feed, and because of my aforementioned familiarity with Greek mythology, I recognized the figure immediately.

    Friends, meet Sisyphus.

    https://twitter.com/booksididnt/status/1315353362032926720

    If you aren’t familiar with him, Sisyphus was the King of Corinth who twice cheated death and was condemned to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity as his punishment.

    This is the account recorded in the Odyssey:

    “Then I witnessed the torture of Sisyphus, as he wrestled with a huge rock with both hands. Bracing himself and thrusting with hands and feet he pushed the boulder uphill to the summit. But every time, as he was about to send it toppling over the crest, its sheer weight turned it back, and once again towards the plain the pitiless rock rolled down. So once more he had to wrestle with the thing and push it up, while the sweat poured from his limbs and the dust rose high above his head.” (Book 11.593)

    Talk about a fate worse than death.

    I bet he wished he could pitch himself over the edge rather than roll that rock up the hill again.

    And yet…

    There are a lot of people who live like Sisyphus.

    There are a lot of people who, having dropped their rocks, work so hard to roll them again to the top only to once more let them drop–not even as a penalty but voluntarily.

    And that’s a tragedy.

    Because while it takes ages to get your rock to the summit, it only takes a second for it to plummet.

    All your hard work can be undone in a moment.

    One shrug–one slip–and that’s it…

    Is it worth it?

    My guess would be no.

    And frankly, on principle, you really don’t want to be a Sisyphus because he’s got a long way to go.

    #3 No Abusive Relationships

    Recently, the internet has been having a series of apoplectic fits over the break-up make-up patterns of some high-profile and notoriously vicissitudinous celebrity relationships.

    Everybody’s got an opinion.

    Because, at least for the ones I’m thinking of, the core issue is the inability of one party to keep their pants zipped.

    They just keep tripping into naked women.

    Again.

    And again…

    And again…

    Now, this may be a hot take, but I actually think that’s abusive because while tripping once might be a mistake, after a certain point, the tripper just clearly doesn’t care that they’re causing their partner pain.

    They don’t care that they’re taking their partner’s love and trust and spitting directly in their face.

    That’s not okay.

    You don’t treat people that way.

    And yet, that’s exactly what we do when we waste our resets in all–not just romantic–relationships.

    In fact, our family and friends–the people who’ve wiped vomit off our face and/or helped us roll our rocks back into place–are typically the ones to whom we say,

    “I don’t care that my mistake caused you pain. I’m going to do it again anyways!”

    Not okay.

    You don’t treat people–especially people who love you–that way.

    And yet, we do it–I do it–everyday.

    See, I believe there’s a man who died so I could be redeemed.

    I believe He hung on a cross and bled for me.

    “But He was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5

    My reset wasn’t free, so when I waste it, I hurt the One who paid for me.

    Which is… not a good thing.

    In fact, as I said above, I think it’s an abusive thing.

    But hey!

    Even if you don’t believe like me, I think it’s still a good idea to ask…

    Are there people you’re piercing when you waste your reset?

    Are there people you’re crushing with pain and disappointment?

    If the answer is yes, just… consider carefully whether you’re okay with being the abuser in that relationship.

    That’s all for this week!

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