For those of you who don’t know, I am currently in the process of writing a novel.

I know–I know.

Cue the eye rolls.

But, hey!

In my defense, writing is basically my only real skill, so I figured why not try and do something with it that might pay off some of my medical bills?

Anyways!

Back in April, I finished the first draft of book one and sent it to my beautiful “beta-readers.”

Nancy and Marisa, I owe you my firstborn.

Now, for those of you who don’t know what beta-readers are, they’re the first readers, the people who assess whether or not the pdf. ought to be burned, and their “job” is to critique my work.

Sounds fun, right?

Well… I think we can all agree that criticism is hard to receive, but I think oftentimes we forget how difficult it is to actually give a good critique which is why I am so grateful to Marisa and Nancy because they have done so beautifully.

Seriously.

I am #blessed to have them, and their ability to give me feedback that is critical but still encouraging made me think about how I can improve at giving criticism more generally because whether in writing or in life, I want to be a better “beta.”

So!

Here are my musings on giving great critiques because lemme tell ya, it is a TRICKY thing.

Are You Breaking And Entering?

First thing’s first.

Have you been asked to critique someone’s life, words, or work?

If not, you are wading into dangerous territory because giving your two-cents when you have not been invited into a situation is basically breaking and entering.

Now, that doesn’t mean your critique is unwarranted or wrongheaded. It just means you need to proceed with the utmost caution because while you might very well have something worthwhile to say, if you break down someone’s door to tell them there’s a fire on the second floor, there is a very real chance all they’ll be thinking is “INTRUDER ALERT!”

And in some states and cases, you will be DOA before you can say a single word.

They will simply blast you back out the door, unheard.

So, instead of breaking down the door, my recommendation would be to knock and see if they’re receptive to your critique, and if not, well…

You’re going to have to weigh the cost and benefits for yourself, but personally, I would recommend you try again another day.

Because, again, even if you have a worthwhile thing to say, name me a more annoying thing than unwanted criticism from the peanut gallery.

I’ll wait.

Do that too many times and people are going to start slamming the door in your face, move away, or else set up a home defense system straight out of Home Alone 3 (which, if you have not seen it, is a fantastic movie).

Put Your Best Word Forward

Okay, so you’ve determined that your criticism is, in fact, welcome (or else purchased a bulletproof vest and protective gear in preparation for being blown back and/or trapped in an electric chair), and now it’s time to decide what needs to be said.

And to that question, I highly, HIGHLY recommend that no matter what your criticism is, you start with the positive.

Ergo, put your best word forward.

Why?

A couple of reasons.

First, you’re much more likely to be constructive if you first endeavor to be complimentary since searching for and articulating what’s good in someone’s life, words, and/or work automatically puts you in a more charitable head space.

Second, we all know that criticism is a hard pill to swallow, and in the words of Mary Poppins,

Leading with the “sweet” ensures that the next thing you bring to your critique-ees lips will be better received.

They still might not like it, but they’ll be 1) more likely to open their mouth and 2) less likely to spit what you say back in your face seeing as you’ve preemptively taken the edge off the criticism!

However!

Putting your best word forward takes practice.

After all, it’s just human nature to notice that the dog pooped on the floor before noticing it’s been buffed and polished.

What’s wrong/bad is simply more obvious.

HOWEVER!

Just because we see the bad first doesn’t mean we should speak the bad first.

In fact, doing that can make the situation worse.

Take the above example of a dog pooping on a newly polished floor.

If you walk in and tell the person who just polished the floor,

“There’s dog poop in here!”

I can almost guarantee that what they’ll hear is

“You dodo! Didn’t you see the poop? Why didn’t you clean it up?”

To which, the polisher will internally say,

“You don’t see the work I did. You don’t appreciate me.”

Both you and your criticism will be seen in a negative way.

But if you start by acknowledging the work they did or even just say something else that’s positive, I bet you money that you’ll get a better reception.

So again, when composing a critique, put your best word forward–lead with the sweet–and if the dog poops on the newly polished floor, first acknowledge the polishing and maybe say something like,

“Well, at least it didn’t pee!”

Bonus points for saying, “Here, let me help you clean.”

Which brings me to point three.

Be Constructive!

“If you’re going to say ‘no’ to someone else’s idea, you better have your own ready to go.”

That was something my dad told me all the time growing up.

And it drove me absolutely nuts.

Because, as we have already discussed, pointing out the poop on the floor is one thing.

Offering to pick it up is another.

I’ve got two dogs.

Believe you me, I get it.

But that doesn’t change the fact that criticism should be given with the aim to help–to build up.

I’m pretty sure that’s why the best sort of criticism is so-called “constructive criticism” where you don’t just bring problems–you bring solutions.

Because spoiler alert: if all you ever do is point out the problems with other people’s life, words, and/or work, eventually, you are going to get on their nerves.

You’ve got to give them something to hope for!

Offer them a helping hand or an idea of how they can improve whatever it is you’re criticizing–ideally by referencing something they did well in the past.

Because even if your critiques are well-meaning, if all people ever hear from you is “no, no, definitely not”–they’ll stop asking for your input.

And, really… can you blame them?

No one wants to be drowned in a sea of negativity which is why not only do you want to be constructive–building up and helping–with your critiques, but also very, very mindful of their quantity.

Weird Al Yankovic fans, where you at?

Because this final section made me think of his song “Like A Surgeon,” and it was a total throwback.

Be Like A Surgeon

Have you ever heard of lingchi i.e. “Death by a thousand paper cuts?”

If not, it refers to a type of execution invented by the Chinese where chunks of the body are methodically removed until one exits the land of the living.

There are moments when I’m quite proud of my Chinese ancestry.

This is not one of them.

I bring that up only to illustrate what you do not want your critiques to be.

Excessive. Gratuitous. Chunk-removing.

Because even if your criticism is well-meaning, a person can only take so many cuts before all they want to do is scream or else all they’re able to do is simply lie back and bleed.

Neither are good things.

Thus, a good critique in no way resembles lingchi.

Instead, it should be surgical. Precise. Designed to fix the biggest problem(s) while keeping the patient happy and, importantly, alive.

You do not want to stick around playing “let’s see what else I can cut or operate on–that’ll be fun!”

I can guarantee you that for the person being operated on, it is most definitely not.

So triage!

Identify the biggest problem and/or point of criticism, gently address it, and stop.

Do not, in some sort of critical rapture, continue hacking things off.

Enough is enough.

And on that note, I’ll bring this post to a close.

I do, after all, have to get back to revising Book One and writing Book Two with the feedback given to me by my beautiful “beta-readers” and masterful critique-ers.

Again, Nancy and Marisa–the biggest of all possible thanks to you.