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    Wound Care Woes

    Back in January, I had a bit of a kerfuffle with my right hand.

    I’m still not entirely sure what happened, but the end result was that it looked like a hole punch had been taken to the side of my hand which, while cool theoretically, was seriously un-fun experientially.

    It took over two months to heal completely, and truly, the amount of money I spent on latex-free band-aids would make Warren Buffet blush.

    It was ridiculous.

    Not to mention that being right-handed while said hand was not at full capacity totally and completely stunk.

    However!

    The experience of being acutely conscious of my right hand for months, either thanks to the pain or out of worry that it would get infected, got me thinking about long-standing wound care in the abstract.

    Particularly why one becomes derelict, allowing a wound–any kind of wound–to languish.

    After some reflection, I’ve come up with three reasons why we tend to let wound care fall to the wayside.

    So buckle in folks because I am about to puh-reach.

    Wound Care Woe #1: Prideful Denial

    If you’ve never seen Monty Python & The Holy Grail, what are you doing with yourself?

    Seriously, fix that problem!

    But if you’re pressed for time, at least watch the scene with the Black Knight!

    I’ve included a brief gif synopsis of what occurs, but suffice to say, Mr. Black Knight ends up armless and legless in the dirt, all the while proclaiming that he isn’t even hurt!

    I mean…

    You gotta give him props for perseverance, but at a certain point, you have to start saying to yourself,

    “Uh… maybe he should stop attacking the man lopping his body parts off?”

    And you would be correct!

    Because as admirable (?) as the Black Knight’s effort is, him denying his injuries only intensifies them in the end.

    Instead of just an arm, he loses all his appendages just because he wouldn’t admit that there was something off to begin with.

    Why?

    Pride.

    As evidenced by the fact that whilst hopping around on one foot without arms, he proclaims to King Arthur,

    “I’m invincible!… The Black Knight always triumphs!”

    To which Arthur replies,

    “You’re a loony.”

    Indeed.

    We can see that quite clearly.

    However!

    I wonder whether or not a lot of us are more like the Black Knight than we’d like to think.

    Too prideful to admit we’re hurt or accept defeat, not recognizing that we’ve got a wound that needs addressing.

    Friend, that has totally been me.

    In the past, pride has kept me from addressing some pretty big “wounds” in my life whether they be emotional or physical, and I can tell you for a fact that if I could go back in time and take care of them from the start, I would.

    It would’ve saved both me and so many others a lot of pain and heartache.

    So take it from me, if pride is what’s holding you back from addressing the wounds in your life (be they emotional or physical), give it no quarter because I speak from experience when I say, if you let pride determine the way you live your life, you are going to regret it.

    But perhaps it isn’t pride that’s holding you back from healing your wounds.

    Perhaps it’s pain, and if that’s the case, I can also fully relate.

    Wound Care Woe #2: It’s Painful

    Fun fact: when I’m in pain, I become Catholic.

    “HOLY-MARY-MOTHER-OF-GOD!” were my exact words the first time I had to clean out my right hand hole punch with an alcohol wipe.

    For reference, I’m a dyed-in-the-wool Evangelical, so invoking Mary is not a common occurrence.

    Actually, it pretty much never happens.

    Ever.

    And yet, I was ready to call on all the saints I knew and probably some I just divined in my pain-filed rapture thanks to the burning in my hand.

    It hurt, and coupled with the fact that I do not have a high pain tolerance, the sensation of FIRE IN THE HOLE was a pretty significant deterrence for pulling back the bandages and cleaning the wound.

    And yet, if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that healing can, and frequently does, hurt.

    Whether it’s putting alcohol on an open wound, resetting a broken bone, taking a cocktail of medication that makes you want to simultaneously puke and go to the bathroom, swallowing your pride, or mending a relationship with someone who has hurt you deeply, the path to healing is almost always a bumpy and painful road.

    But the old adage holds true,

    “No pain–no gain.”

    So while I did not want to clean the hole in my hand, I knew I needed to because not cleaning the wound would only make it worse.

    And so I got after it, everyday, twice a day, for over two months.

    It burned and stung, but as time went on, it started to hurt less and less, which was a great encouragement!

    However, I am not naturally a patient person.

    At all.

    “Just heal already!” was the constant refrain in my head, and there were many days where I just didn’t want to mess with it.

    Which brings me to the third cause of failed wound care.

    Wound Care Woe #3: Impatience

    Healing takes time.

    For people like me who want to see results quickly, this is an enormously irritating truism, and the hole in my hand drove me absolutely bananas the longer it hung around.

    Like, I don’t mean to be rude, Mr. Hole, but you have overstayed your welcome!

    Time’s a ticking, and it is time for you to go now!

    But he hung around…

    And I’m not going to lie, it discouraged me because on top of being a nuisance physically, it was a reminder that my body has not functioned properly in almost two years.

    Now, I know I’m not alone in hating to wait for healing.

    Over 2000 years ago, King Solomon wrote,

    “Hope delayed makes the heart sick.”

    Doesn’t it?

    It certainly has for me.

    And yet, it is also the case that oftentimes there is no such thing as a “quick fix,” and trying to find one can actually be quite dangerous.

    Not just physically but mentally as well because you start to think to yourself,

    “If I can’t have healing quick, I don’t want it!”

    From that you either give up, you cut corners, or go to extremes, and in the end, you find yourself worse off than you were to begin with.

    *Sigh.

    Is that ever me.

    My poor body has taken a beating the last two years because of the “quick fix” attempts I hit it with, and what I’ve come to find is that as a general rule, the bigger the wound, the longer it takes to heal.

    Which, I mean, is obvious, but I was a prideful, impatient idiot, so I wasn’t really interested in being attentive to that particularly annoying truth.

    Is that you?

    It’s been me, but I can honestly say this season of life with its ill-health and holey hands is teaching me patience.

    It’s teaching me to let go of pridefulness.

    It’s teaching me perseverance.

    And while I wish I didn’t have to learn those things this way, I can’t deny that through these wound care woes, I’m learning how to be a better me.

    How can I be mad at that?

    So let me ask…

    What are the “wounds” that need tending in your life?

    Are you letting them fester out of pride?

    Are you unwilling to treat them because it will hurt for a time?

    Do you only want healing if it happens in your time?

    Or can you swallow your pride, face the pain, and hope against all hope that some day your wounds will be the scarred marks of warrior who knew how to endure and how to wait?

    I don’t know about you, but thinking of my “wounds” that way has brought me a lot of peace through the pain.

    Pu Pu & People Platters

    One of my favorite restaurants when I was growing up was this little hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant called King Chef.

    I frequently swindled my mom into taking me there after tae-kwon-do classes, and without fail, I would always order the same exact thing:

    Egg drop soup.

    Pan-fried noodles.

    And…

    The pu pu platter.

    The pu pu platter was by far the best part.

    Not least because, as a child, I just loved saying,

    “And the pu pu platter, please.”

    I thought I was hilarious.

    Not sure my sense of humor translated to Chinese.

    C’est la vie.

    Anyways!

    The more I reminisced about pu pu platters, the more I realized there are some significant parallels between how we interact with people and how we interact with pu pu platters, and I think they are worth discussing.

    So without further ado, let’s discuss how one approaches pu pu and people platters.

    What Do You Want To Eat?

    One of the great things about the pu pu platter is its variety.

    The morsels begging to be roasted over the flaming pu pu pot come in all shapes and sizes.

    Kind of like human beings.

    Spiced chicken, beef teriyaki, egg rolls, wontons, veggies, etc.

    It’s great 🙂

    However…

    As with anything, people have preferences, and upon perusing the platter, you’ll probably be swayed in some way by the presentation of the morsels on display.

    Because, I’m not going to lie.

    Beef teriyaki looks like a turd.

    However!

    As with people, appearance isn’t everything, and looks can be deceiving.

    Now, it’s nice to draw people in, but when it comes to food, eventually taste will win, and beef teriyaki actually tastes pretty good!

    Still.

    Looks aside, if you’re like me, there are certain foods you’re simply not going to eat.

    You know what you like and what you don’t, and for me, that’d be the egg rolls.

    At least at King Chef, there was some sort of pickled veg in there that had me like

    Pass.

    In the same way, there are certain kinds of people with whom I know I’m not going to gel.

    The self-important. The vain. The short-tempered. The proud.

    Although, a dear friend recently told me that the traits that most bother us in other people are the ones that we most struggle with ourselves…

    Ouch.

    Regardless, I don’t want the flavor of that egg roll in my mouth and nor do I particularly want self-important/vain/short-tempered/proud people around.

    But say you’re new to the pu pu platter or to the people you’re hanging around.

    You want to find out what/who’s good and what/who’s not and there’s a couple ways to figure that out!

    Ask Around!

    If you find yourself unsure about the new platter of pu pu or people in front of you, one good method for assessing your options is to ask around!

    Seriously–there’s a reason why platforms like Yelp, Quora, and reddit are so popular.

    Crowd sourcing can be a lifesaver!

    And just as you might ask your dining companions, one of the waitstaff, or the internet what part of the pu pu platter is best, so too can you ask your mutual friends and mentors about the person or people you want to hang out with!

    Just make sure you trust their taste because sometimes even the people you love most can lead you astray.

    For example, my mother–who I adore and is a pretty good judge of character–has tried to get me to eat dog food.

    Not just once.

    Actually, not just twice.

    It’s pretty much a bi-annual occurrence at this point.

    Just last week, she cornered me and waved a chunk of “something, something, beef liver” in my face, saying, “It’s ‘human grade!”

    I said, “Thanks, but not thanks” and ran away.

    We have fun, her and I.

    Anyways!

    All that to say, when crowd sourcing or even just outsourcing for info on a new pu pu or person in your life, make sure you trust the person or people your asking’s culinary and/or character advice.

    However…

    If you happen to be flying solo, whether at a Chinese restaurant or in life in general, there is one surefire to tell whether or not you’ll like the pu pu or person in front of you.

    Taste for Yourself!

    When I was in the third grade, I picked up a particular phrase on the playground.

    It was one that would go down in infamy in my house the moment I tried it out, and it was none other than…

    “Bite me!”

    My dad was the first recipient of that particularly turn of phrase, delivered while he was driving me to school one day.

    How I survived that interaction, no one knows.

    I’ll say this:

    It’s a good thing I was in the backseat.

    Because I’m pretty sure fireballs came out his nose.

    And yet!

    While I now know that that is not an appropriate thing to say unless you want to throw down with the person you’ve invited to cannibalize you a la Ted Bundy, I think there’s something to the idea of taking a bite out of person’s life.

    You know, to see what it tastes like.

    Because just like how when that pickled egg roll hit my mouth, I wanted it O-U-T, once you get the flavor of a person, you can tell pretty freaking fast whether or not you want them around!

    And just like with sour egg rolls, sometimes you’ve got to just spit them out.

    HOWEVER!

    Be cautious about being quick to spit because I think most everyone, if we’re honest, can be pretty hard to swallow.

    I, for one, can confidently say that depending on the day, I taste like a straight-up turd.

    Like, I will full-on give people GERD.

    Which is why I am so SO grateful for the people in my life who have stuck around when they really probably should’ve spit me out.

    Shout-out especially to the trifecta of amazing roommates I’ve had.

    Emily, Nadia, & Alex, y’all are the best.

    All that to say, if, when you get a taste of a person, you feel the need to spit, maybe wait a minute.

    They might just be an acquired taste or you might’ve just brushed your teeth with Crest toothpaste.

    However, if you really feel you can’t swallow them now, if they’re just too bitter, sour, or rank to get down, I wouldn’t write them off forever.

    Because, believe it or not, King Chef eventually nixed the rancid veggie in their egg rolls, improving the pu pu platter exponentially and proving that even long-standing recipes change.

    Aren’t people the same way?

    Finally! Some Things To Consider:

    In the platter of life, how do you present?

    If someone were to ask around about you, what would be said?

    Would you be a person other people would commend or recommend?

    If someone were to take a bite of your life–of you–what would you taste like?

    Would they want you in their mouth?

    Or would they want to spit you out?

    All things to think about. 🙂

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    How To Be A Great Beta

    For those of you who don’t know, I am currently in the process of writing a novel.

    I know–I know.

    Cue the eye rolls.

    But, hey!

    In my defense, writing is basically my only real skill, so I figured why not try and do something with it that might pay off some of my medical bills?

    Anyways!

    Back in April, I finished the first draft of book one and sent it to my beautiful “beta-readers.”

    Nancy and Marisa, I owe you my firstborn.

    Now, for those of you who don’t know what beta-readers are, they’re the first readers, the people who assess whether or not the pdf. ought to be burned, and their “job” is to critique my work.

    Sounds fun, right?

    Well… I think we can all agree that criticism is hard to receive, but I think oftentimes we forget how difficult it is to actually give a good critique which is why I am so grateful to Marisa and Nancy because they have done so beautifully.

    Seriously.

    I am #blessed to have them, and their ability to give me feedback that is critical but still encouraging made me think about how I can improve at giving criticism more generally because whether in writing or in life, I want to be a better “beta.”

    So!

    Here are my musings on giving great critiques because lemme tell ya, it is a TRICKY thing.

    Are You Breaking And Entering?

    First thing’s first.

    Have you been asked to critique someone’s life, words, or work?

    If not, you are wading into dangerous territory because giving your two-cents when you have not been invited into a situation is basically breaking and entering.

    Now, that doesn’t mean your critique is unwarranted or wrongheaded. It just means you need to proceed with the utmost caution because while you might very well have something worthwhile to say, if you break down someone’s door to tell them there’s a fire on the second floor, there is a very real chance all they’ll be thinking is “INTRUDER ALERT!”

    And in some states and cases, you will be DOA before you can say a single word.

    They will simply blast you back out the door, unheard.

    So, instead of breaking down the door, my recommendation would be to knock and see if they’re receptive to your critique, and if not, well…

    You’re going to have to weigh the cost and benefits for yourself, but personally, I would recommend you try again another day.

    Because, again, even if you have a worthwhile thing to say, name me a more annoying thing than unwanted criticism from the peanut gallery.

    I’ll wait.

    Do that too many times and people are going to start slamming the door in your face, move away, or else set up a home defense system straight out of Home Alone 3 (which, if you have not seen it, is a fantastic movie).

    Put Your Best Word Forward

    Okay, so you’ve determined that your criticism is, in fact, welcome (or else purchased a bulletproof vest and protective gear in preparation for being blown back and/or trapped in an electric chair), and now it’s time to decide what needs to be said.

    And to that question, I highly, HIGHLY recommend that no matter what your criticism is, you start with the positive.

    Ergo, put your best word forward.

    Why?

    A couple of reasons.

    First, you’re much more likely to be constructive if you first endeavor to be complimentary since searching for and articulating what’s good in someone’s life, words, and/or work automatically puts you in a more charitable head space.

    Second, we all know that criticism is a hard pill to swallow, and in the words of Mary Poppins,

    Leading with the “sweet” ensures that the next thing you bring to your critique-ees lips will be better received.

    They still might not like it, but they’ll be 1) more likely to open their mouth and 2) less likely to spit what you say back in your face seeing as you’ve preemptively taken the edge off the criticism!

    However!

    Putting your best word forward takes practice.

    After all, it’s just human nature to notice that the dog pooped on the floor before noticing it’s been buffed and polished.

    What’s wrong/bad is simply more obvious.

    HOWEVER!

    Just because we see the bad first doesn’t mean we should speak the bad first.

    In fact, doing that can make the situation worse.

    Take the above example of a dog pooping on a newly polished floor.

    If you walk in and tell the person who just polished the floor,

    “There’s dog poop in here!”

    I can almost guarantee that what they’ll hear is

    “You dodo! Didn’t you see the poop? Why didn’t you clean it up?”

    To which, the polisher will internally say,

    “You don’t see the work I did. You don’t appreciate me.”

    Both you and your criticism will be seen in a negative way.

    But if you start by acknowledging the work they did or even just say something else that’s positive, I bet you money that you’ll get a better reception.

    So again, when composing a critique, put your best word forward–lead with the sweet–and if the dog poops on the newly polished floor, first acknowledge the polishing and maybe say something like,

    “Well, at least it didn’t pee!”

    Bonus points for saying, “Here, let me help you clean.”

    Which brings me to point three.

    Be Constructive!

    “If you’re going to say ‘no’ to someone else’s idea, you better have your own ready to go.”

    That was something my dad told me all the time growing up.

    And it drove me absolutely nuts.

    Because, as we have already discussed, pointing out the poop on the floor is one thing.

    Offering to pick it up is another.

    I’ve got two dogs.

    Believe you me, I get it.

    But that doesn’t change the fact that criticism should be given with the aim to help–to build up.

    I’m pretty sure that’s why the best sort of criticism is so-called “constructive criticism” where you don’t just bring problems–you bring solutions.

    Because spoiler alert: if all you ever do is point out the problems with other people’s life, words, and/or work, eventually, you are going to get on their nerves.

    You’ve got to give them something to hope for!

    Offer them a helping hand or an idea of how they can improve whatever it is you’re criticizing–ideally by referencing something they did well in the past.

    Because even if your critiques are well-meaning, if all people ever hear from you is “no, no, definitely not”–they’ll stop asking for your input.

    And, really… can you blame them?

    No one wants to be drowned in a sea of negativity which is why not only do you want to be constructive–building up and helping–with your critiques, but also very, very mindful of their quantity.

    Weird Al Yankovic fans, where you at?

    Because this final section made me think of his song “Like A Surgeon,” and it was a total throwback.

    Be Like A Surgeon

    Have you ever heard of lingchi i.e. “Death by a thousand paper cuts?”

    If not, it refers to a type of execution invented by the Chinese where chunks of the body are methodically removed until one exits the land of the living.

    There are moments when I’m quite proud of my Chinese ancestry.

    This is not one of them.

    I bring that up only to illustrate what you do not want your critiques to be.

    Excessive. Gratuitous. Chunk-removing.

    Because even if your criticism is well-meaning, a person can only take so many cuts before all they want to do is scream or else all they’re able to do is simply lie back and bleed.

    Neither are good things.

    Thus, a good critique in no way resembles lingchi.

    Instead, it should be surgical. Precise. Designed to fix the biggest problem(s) while keeping the patient happy and, importantly, alive.

    You do not want to stick around playing “let’s see what else I can cut or operate on–that’ll be fun!”

    I can guarantee you that for the person being operated on, it is most definitely not.

    So triage!

    Identify the biggest problem and/or point of criticism, gently address it, and stop.

    Do not, in some sort of critical rapture, continue hacking things off.

    Enough is enough.

    And on that note, I’ll bring this post to a close.

    I do, after all, have to get back to revising Book One and writing Book Two with the feedback given to me by my beautiful “beta-readers” and masterful critique-ers.

    Again, Nancy and Marisa–the biggest of all possible thanks to you.

    The Desire for Intimacy in The Age of Instagram

    In 2010, Instagram made its debut in Apple’s App Store. Since then, it has amassed over a billion users and is worth an estimated $102 billion. Its success, in many respects, reflects a sea change in the social mores of generations gone by where privacy and humility were highly prized. However, at the same time, the ascension of Instagram squares perfectly with one of the most ineluctable facets of the human condition: that being our desire for human connection. In a word, the end of Instagram and many of the social media platforms that now dominate our cultural landscape is simple intimacy. The desire to be truly known and seen is what keeps the fat cats of Silicon Valley in their skinny jeans and triple mocha frappe extremes. And yet, the promise of intimacy they implicitly preach is a promise they cannot keep because what they are offering is a caricature trapped within the confines of a screen. That is not intimacy. It will never be intimacy. In this paper, I will explore the ways in which Instagram tries, and ultimately fails, to facilitate interpersonal intimacy while also exploring the ways users’ participation on the platform has evolved and adapted in reaction to its inherent relational shortcoming. 

    In a 2017 Startups.com interview, Instagram co-founder Kevin Systrom, speaking about the app’s origins, said, “Instagram’s core was communication, and photos were part of it, but not necessarily the focus. Over time, what you do is you simply take in data about what your users are doing, and you focus on the stuff that people love the most.” From this, we can gather that, according to Systrom and his no-doubt significant bundle of data, communication is what people “love the most.” This holds with lived experience. Communication and connection are pillars of human flourishing without which we wither and waste away. In the words of Maya Angelou, “Alone, all alone/ Nobody, but nobody/ Can make it out here alone.” 

    In acknowledgment of this, Instagram has built itself to be as communication-friendly as a photo-sharing platform can be, offering users the ability to like, comment on, and share pictures on top of introducing a private messaging feature. However, despite their best efforts, Instagram is fundamentally inhibited from facilitating true connectedness. After all, while a picture may be worth a thousand words and likes, comments, shares, and messages may aid in affirming someone’s sense of worth and work, a screen is a poor replacement for a real live human being. Thus, by its very nature, Instagram introduces at least one degree of distance to human connection that cannot be truly be overcome by any of the liking, commenting, sharing, or messaging features mentioned above. 

    Here, it is worth turning to twentieth century social critic and marxist philosopher Guy Debord whose 1967 work contains a stunning prescient description of this exact situation. In Society of The Spectacle, Debord argues that we live in a society dominated by imagery and innured to specularity. We exist and persist in a spectacle that he claims “…is not a collection of images, but a social relation among people, mediated by images.” Frankly, one would be hard-pressed to come up with a more accurate description of Instagram. However, Debord goes further, writing, “The spectacle is nothing more than the common language of separation… The spectacle reunites the separate, but reunites them as separate.” This claim obtains. 

    At the present moment, we have never been more connected, but never have we been more separate. Loneliness in the west has been climbing for years to the point that in 2018, the United Kingdom appointed a real, live Minister for Loneliness. Although, oddly enough, they only appointed one. Regardless, the spectacularity of modern technology has put our lives before the eyes of whosoever choses to look, but in Debord’s own words, “What binds the spectators together is no more than an irreversible relation at the very center which maintains their isolation.” We are alone. All… alone. Held captive by the irreversible, central, and worthwhile desire to be seen and known yet unwilling to admit that perhaps that desire won’t be met staring into an iPhone. 

    Put simply, Instagram has not met and cannot meet our desire for deep human connection. Its form precludes that function. Now, in all fairness to Instagram, this problem of inherent separation is not unique to them. The same issue of connected isolation plagues almost all social-media platforms. However, Instagram’s emphasis on the curation and projection of images presents an added challenge to the human desire for connection for the simple fact that it highlights and glorifies human interaction at its most superficial. 

    It can well be said that the ethos of Instagram is “let us make man into an image,” and a carrying capacity of users have taken this in stride. Having realized that there is no real intimacy to be had through an electronic screen, most of the app’s users have instead settled on lesser forms of connection. In place of being seen and known, it is enough to be seen alone. To that end, it is not the quality, but the quantity of “connection” that matters. 

    In the aforementioned interview, Systrom admitted as much, differentiating Instagram from Facebook, saying, 

    “When I say, ‘Social network,’ I think it’s a different type of social network. On Instagram, you can have multiple identities. You can have an anonymous identity. On Facebook, it’s like, ‘This is me, and this is me once.’ It’s a very different connection. They’re a symmetrical relationship. You have friends on Facebook, and on Instagram, it’s like, ‘I can follow you, but you don’t have to follow me back if you don’t like my cappuccino pictures.’”

    The combination of Instagram’s focus on images alongside the inherent asymmetry of the platform’s follower/following design has created a landscape where the principal focus of the app’s participants is how to create photos and content that garner the most followers and likes. And to that question, the answer is as old as time.

    It is a well recorded fact that sex is uniquely adept at garnering attention. However, for a carrying capacity of western history, the potent appeal of sexuality was undercut by social mores that put sex safely away as something considered private, even sacred. Sexual desire was something to be wrangled, tamed. 

    That’s changed.

    In recent decades, the tension between sexuality and traditional morality has seismically waned, and sex is now increasingly on display. Nowhere is that more apparent than on a platform dominated by and reliant on imagery. 

    In 2018, Forbes.com ran an article titled “Despite No Nudity Rule, Instagram Is Chock Full of Pornography.” It is. Simply searching “sexy” will garner more than 80 million hits, and adult film stars regularly use the platform to shore up their businesses. Truly, the accessibility of sexually explicit content on a platform which purports to be family-friendly boggles the mind.

    Anecdotally, I was in an Uber on November 10, 2019, talking about Christianity with my driver Timothy, and we struck upon the prevelence of temptation and sex in the modern age. He turned around to face me and very seriously said, referencing Instagram, “I’ve tried to stay away because you can’t escape it. A**. Ti**ies. They’re everywhere.” 

    In fairness to Instagram, depending on the curation of an individual’s feed, it is possible for someone to open the app and not be assailed by bared body parts or people dancing or posing provocatively. However, when one drifts to the “Search and Explore” page, that assurance evaporates almost immediately.

    According to Instagram’s Help Center, “On Search & Explore, you can find photos and videos that you might like from accounts you don’t yet follow. You may also see curated topics we think the Instagram community will enjoy” (Instagram Help Center). Based on the follower counts of some of Instagram’s most popular accounts, those topics are sex and celebrity with some combination of the two cornering the platform. As to why this might be, British film theorist Laura Mulvey offers a compelling explanation in her exploration of film spectatorship that centers on two things: objectification and identification.  

    According to Mulvey, there are 

    “…two contradictory aspects of the pleasurable structures of looking in the conventional cinematic situation. The first, scopophilic, arises from pleasure in using another person as an object of sexual stimulation through sight. The second, developed through narcissism and the constitution of the ego, comes from identification with the image seen.”

    Applying Mulvey’s paradigm of objectification and identification to the success of sex and celebrity on Instagram highlights a well-known truth: the millions of people that follow stars like the titanic Kardashian clan either want to sleep with them or be one of them. 

    In this respect, Mulvey’s work explains the popularity of certain users on Instagram; however, a point of divergence emerges when one examines her arguments on the influence of the “male gaze,” something she claims split the “pleasure of looking” between “the active/male and passive/female.” On a platform where a majority of the users and influencers are women, Mulvey’s characterization of them as “passive” no longer holds water. However, this begs the question: why does overt and overwhelming sexualization of women persist on a platform where they are the most active participants? I submit it all goes back to our desire for intimacy.

    As we have already seen, sex is a surefire way to garner attention. However, leaning into sex appeal on platforms like Instagram can also bring a kind of affirmation and even affection from thousands, if not millions, of adoring fans who comment things like, “Love your body!” and “Girl those aaaaabbbssss” on photographs of models dressed in lingerie. In an interview with Buzzfeed, the model just referenced even said “I love the sense of connectivity I feel with my followers and the people I follow. I love the body-positive movement and seeing people be real about themselves online to some degree.” If the sense of connectivity comes at the price of posing for millions in lingerie, it is a price that many young women are willing to pay. It isn’t even considered strange.

    Perhaps this is because in the modern day, sexuality and intimacy have become so intertwined that the former is taken for the latter most of the time. I think speaker and author Sam Allberry put it best when he said,

    “In our culture we’ve really mashed intimacy and sex into one another, and so we can’t conceive of any intimacy that isn’t ultimately sexual intimacy… But you can have a lot of sex in life and no intimacy… you can also have a lot of intimacy in your life and not be having sex.”

    This is as accurate as it is anathematic in our day and age, and for many of Instagram’s billion-plus users, this tragic truth is still on its way, still traveling. It has not yet reached their ears, hearts, or heads. Instead, millions of users continue to put themselves and their bodies on display in the hopes that they might achieve a sense of genuine connection and intimacy. Or perhaps, that they might simply be valued for something, even if just their bodies. That, I believe, is an important and understandable corollary because at the end of the day, I think this mass capitulation to sexualization and objectification can be credited not to a waning desire for intimacy but to a concurrent and crippling fear of irrelevance and insufficiency. 

    In his book The Silence of Animals, Professor John Gray of the London School of Economics alludes to this, writing, 

    “If you have no special potential, the cost of trying to bring your inner nature to fruition will be a painfully misspent existence. Even if you have unusual talent, it will only bring fulfillment if others also value it. Few human beings are as unhappy as those who have a gift that no one wants.”

    Value is determined by how much someone else is willing to pay for the thing on display, and for a human being to be found wanting, perhaps even worthless, in that way is, to put it simply, devastating. No one wants to be told that they are unworthy, and in an age where we are inundated with images all vying for our attention, it’s not even a matter of being worth someone else’s time. You may not even be worth the barest glance of someone else’s eyes. 

    Thus, it is all too easy to see why sex is the go-to thing to put on display since, as has already been stated, it is always going to be attention grabbing. It is always going to be worth something. “Sex sells!” as they say, and this reality has paved the way for a new and opportunistic kind of connectivity. 

    Since its inception, Instagram has been a place where any enterprising or industrious individual could make a bit of cash. However, in recent years, it has become a place where so-called and often scantily clad “influencers” and Instagram models can actually make a sizable, even staggering, living by working with brands and collecting sponsorships. In effect, Instagram has evolved from a social-network to a kind of social-marketplace. Thus, instead of intimacy, those lucky few able to accrue enough interest are looking for (and getting) money. Instagram, to them, is a business, and if that requires looking or behaving a certain way…

    Well, you have to pay to play.  

    However, Instagram’s evolution from a sex-laden social-network to a sex-laden social-marketplace has not been without controversy. The vast majority of Instagram’s users are not influencers, but influenced, and the endless stream of air-brushed, size-zero, and probably, even unapologetically, photo-shopped Instagram models has led many to charge the platform with promulgating an unrealistic standard of beauty.

    Interestingly, these critics have rarely, if ever, taken umbrage with the sexual or body-centric component of the marketing or imagery. The criticism has not been “Maybe people should wear clothes again and perhaps focus on things besides their bodies,” but rather “More people should get naked forthwith!” It is an exceedingly sad race to the bottom but not an unexpected one. After all, the mash-up of sex and intimacy persists, making the valuation of bodies predictably preeminent. Put simply, to affirm someone’s body is to affirm their worth as a human being. That is the assumed ideology hidden within the cry for “body positivity.” Thus, in their own way, the critics of Instagram’s unrealistic standards of beauty have seeded the platform’s ethos into an even greater community. “Let us make more of man into an image,” they say.

    And they wonder why people are so unhappy. 

    Revisiting Debord brings this peculiar and sad reality into greater clarity. Put simply, the critics and the influenced have been blinded by spectacularity. Instagram has simply overtaken them.

    In Society of The Spectacle, Debord states, 

    “Absolute conformism in existing social practices, with which all human possibilities are identified for all time, has no external limit other than the fear of falling back into formless animality. Here, in order to remain human, men must remain the same.”

    Applying this to Instagram, it is easy to see the ascension of conformity packaged as body positivity. The question of whether the sex-laden spectacle produced by Instagram is, itself, wrong is not in play. Rather, it is the question of why can’t more people participate? However, the fact of the matter is this has not made people happy. The reality is actually depressing, and it fits with one of Debord’s opening theses:  

    “The specialization of images of the world is completed in the world of the autonomous image, where the liar has lied to himself. The spectacle in general, as the concrete inversion of life, is the autonomous movement of the non-living.”

    Calling Instagram users self-deceived, “non-living” beings seems a bit extreme; however, by their own hand, many of them have essentially become or desire to become little more than objects on a screen. A sexual projection that can be objectified or identified with and swiped away if they are found to be wanting in some way. This is sad. Very sad, actually, and eventually, it reveals its essential poverty.

    In Debord’s own words,

    “What hides under the spectacular oppositions is a unity of misery. Behind the masks of total choice, different forms of the same alienation confront each other, all of them built on real contradictions which are repressed. In both cases, the spectacle is nothing more than an image of happy unification surrounded by desolation and fear at the tranquil center of misery.”

    There is a unity of misery at play in the hearts and minds of millions today thanks to the machinations of platforms, especially those like Instagram that are almost wholly image based. The intimacy that people desire and have been seeking in a world of ever-expanding connectivity has not materialized. Indeed, on platforms confined to a screen, intimacy is simply out of reach. All that is left to be had is attention and affirmation, so instead of being seen and known, many have thrown themselves into being seen alone, displaying and even commodifying themselves in the hopes that, for a moment, they might have someone’s affection. Even if it’s fleeting. Even if it’s remote. However, the fact remains that the price of selling oneself is oneself, and whatever might be received in exchange will always, always, be worth less than the price that was paid.

    Problems in Postmodernism. Spring 2020.

    Do We Want To Be Healed?

    At the start of May (once finals were out of the way), I dove into my TBR (To Be Read) stack in a bid to put a dent in the–count them–fifty-three (53!) books I’d purchased since Quarantine began.

    Don’t look at me like that.

    I was trying to stimulate the economy.

    Okay, that’s a lie.

    My sister’s the economy geek-not me.

    The stack of books fifty-three deep will testify that I am not, perhaps, the best with money.

    What can I say?

    Books make me happy, okay?

    My point being, one of the first books I read was Arthur Brooks’ Love Your Enemies wherein he cites a study on political attitudes in the United States that claims “93% of the population is tired of how divided we have become as a country.”

    That’s interesting.

    Because if the number of people tired of the divide is so freaking high, I’m looking around and wondering, like many,

    “What the heck gives, guys?”

    Division and hatred is all there seems to be, and frankly, it makes me want to grab that 93%, myself included, smack them upside the head, and ask,

    “Do you want to be healed?

    “You say you’re tired of division, but do you want to be healed?

    I grabbed, smacked, and asked myself that question, and it led to some really real self-reflection.

    Because while the obvious answer is yes, the actual answer was much more complex.

    So I’m sharing my reflections this week because as far as I can see, there are three main things keeping healing beyond our reach:

    1. Habituated Hopelessness
    2. Seeing Sickness As Good Business
    3. Hanging On To Hate

    #1 Habituated Hopelessness

    For those of you who’ve been here a while, you’ll know that I’ve been dealing with chronic sickness for a minute, and let me just say, it has taught me a thing or two about hopelessness.

    I detail the particularly dark days here, but suffice to say, I am no stranger to thoughts like:

    “It’s been so long. Things will always be this way.”

    “There’s no way this could ever change.”

    “It’s hopeless. We’ve tried that all before. There’s no point in even trying anymore.”

    Sound familiar?

    That was me.

    Those were the kind of things I told myself for mere weeks, and they still took me to the brink.

    Just to be clear.

    Those kinds of thoughts do not–I repeat not–help anything.

    Seriously.

    Frankly, thinking that way is a fast lane to self-destructing, both in the case of the individual and in the case of a people, because when you stop believing things can get better–that you and your fellows can get better–all there’s left to do is destroy yourself and/or one another.

    Hatred.

    Violence.

    Suicide.

    All have their roots in hopelessness because all have given up on life.

    It could be yours.

    It could be your neighbor’s.

    It could be *cough* your political opponent’s.

    But the fact remains…

    When you let hopelessness become your habit…

    When you give it free reign…

    You give up the hope that people can change.

    You claim people and the situations they create will always be the same.

    And if you believe that, you leave absolutely no room for grace.

    All patience evaporates.

    The best thing that can happen to the ones you’ve given up on is that they be razed.

    Immediately.

    That is where hopelessness leads, and I think we’re seeing its varied permutations swallow our society more and more everyday.

    It’s honestly depressing.

    Because the fact of the matter is hopelessness serves nobody in the end.

    How can it?

    It does not believe in change and cannot, therefore, lead to change.

    Forget healing entirely.

    And so, I would just say that we, as a society, must see hopelessness as the scourge that it is and be willing to hope against all hope that we might not be enemies, but friends once again.

    That would at least put us back on the right track.

    Which is why the people willfully stoking the fires of hate and hopelessness need a swift–and I mean swift–kick in the pants.

    #2 Seeing Sickness As Good Business

    I don’t know if anyone else has ever seen the TV show American Greed, but in 2016, they ran an episode that made me want to scream.

    The featured crook was one Dr. Farid Fata, a Michigan oncologist who told his patients they had cancer–when they didn’t–and gave them chemotherapy, pocketing millions for himself and basically poisoning those patients needlessly.

    Dr. Fata benefited handsomely from not only telling his patients they were sick–with freaking cancer no less–but also from treating them like it, making bank from prescribing expensive cancer meds.

    He made a sizable chunk of change before he was found out and carted away, but there remain over 500 victims.

    Some of their lives have been permanently changed.

    All because of one man’s greed.

    So let me ask a question:

    Who are the “doctors” of our society?

    Who are the people declaring us diseased?

    Who are the people prescribing us things?

    Are they operating like Hippocrates with “first do no harm” as a governing mentality?

    Or are they Dr. Fatas?

    Out for their own gain, getting rich by declaring us fatally diseased and prescribing us treatments that are damaging and extreme?

    Turn on the TV and see.

    I think you’ll realize what the answer is pretty quickly.

    However!

    Lest you think I’ve only got something against our “doctors,” I’m about to prod us “patients” too.

    Because just as the avaricious doctor sees sickness as good business, so too can the pity-seeking patient.

    It is sad but true that sickness can be made into a profitable tool to be used.

    When I was in the fifth grade, I went on a trip to Europe. It opened my eyes to lots of things, but one particular memory really sticks out to me.

    I was walking with my group down a crowded shopping street in Paris when I saw a woman sitting on the ground between two stalls.

    She was an amputee–her leg was cut off at the knee.

    I stared. I’d never seen anything like that before, and I couldn’t understand why people were just passing her by without so much as a glance.

    She had a baby in her lap and a toddler by her side with a cup in front of her half-filled with bills and coins.

    I asked my group leader for permission to go up to the stalls, and she said okay–just hurry. Don’t fall behind.

    I scurried over to the woman, pulling money from my ever-fashionable fanny pack and dropping it into her cup.

    She smiled and nodded her thanks, and I scurried away, rejoining the group.

    Some stalls later, I noticed another woman, also an amputee, also with a cup in front of her but no baby.

    Again, no one seemed to be paying her any attention.

    Again, I asked for permission to approach the stalls and was given it.

    Again, I hurried over, reaching into my fanny pack, only this time, I saw something different.

    There was a foot poking out from behind the woman’s amputated knee, almost completely hidden by her skirts–but not totally.

    I blinked, not sure what I was seeing. She noticed, looking over her shoulder and quickly rearranging her skirts before looking back at me.

    I ran away, back to my group leader and told her what I’d seen.

    She shook her head, and told me if she’d known I was giving my money away to gypsies, she would’ve stopped me. She said those women were probably both pretending to get money from tourists like me.

    I didn’t understand.

    Why would someone pretend not to have a leg?

    It seemed crazy!

    And yet… as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand the impulse quite clearly.

    I mean, any person who has ever called in “sick” to work or school when you really just want to stay home–myself included–is doing essentially the same thing as the not-so footless gypsy.

    Leveraging sickness–which should inspire pity–disingenuously.

    In his book, The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis notes,

    “Pity was meant to be a spur that drives joy to help misery. But it can be used the wrong way round. It can be used for a kind of blackmailing. Those who choose misery can hold joy up to ransom, by pity.”

    Yes, indeed.

    So you see, the question “Do you want to be healed?” is not just for us as a society but also for us as individuals.

    And we need to get really real with ourselves.

    Because even if we’re not faking–even if we’re actually “sick”–are we–in any way–seeing our sickness as good business?

    If the answer is yes, get ready for the long-haul, friends, because healing will always be out of reach with that mindset.

    As long as being “sick” serves our personal, political, or pecuniary interests, we will forever remain divided–the chasm will never be breached.

    Because if our “doctors” want us sick and so too do we, then what are we even doing?

    Seriously.

    For healing to take place, both “doctors” and “patients” need to want the sickness to go away.

    So do we?

    #3 Hanging On To Hate

    Over the last two years, I’ve racked up a pretty impressive medical bill, and let me just say, my 26th birthday (the day my parents’ health insurance no longer applies to me) is basically doomsday.

    Because healing costs a pretty penny, and I’m going to have a liberal arts degree.

    Pray for me.

    Anyways!

    My point is that healing doesn’t come cheap.

    HOWEVER!

    Here’s the thing.

    My doctor made it very, very clear to me that I can buy all the fancy pills and prescriptions in the world, but ultimately it will be my lifestyle–my daily choices–that determine whether or not healing actually takes place.

    Ergo, all the money in the world will not fix me if I continue to hang on to behaviors that are hurting me.

    Well, that’s annoying.

    But I think it’s a truism that applies not only to me as a sickly human being but also to our divided society.

    Can you think of a destructive behavior that might be keeping healing at bay?

    I can.

    Hate.

    In his book Prisoners of Hate, Dr. Aaron Beck notes,

    “The experience of hatred is profound and intense and is probably qualitatively different from the everyday experience of anger. Once the hatred has crystallized, it is like a cold knife poised to plunge into the back of an adversary.”

    He further argues that hatred leads to the homogenization (“They’re all the same”), dehumanization (“They’re a bunch of animals”), demonization (“They’re evil”), and, ultimately, the necessary extermination of one’s enemies.

    With hate at the helm, it becomes your moral duty to bash your adversaries’ faces into concrete.

    I would argue that that kind of thinking is not particularly conducive to healing.

    Eva Mozes Kor, a Holocaust survivor who I had the privilege of meeting–not once but twice–would agree.

    In her book, Surviving the Angel of Death: The True Story of a Mengele Twin in Auschwitz, she wrote,

    “Anger and hate are seeds that germinate war. Forgiveness is a seed for peace. It is the ultimate act of self-healing… Forgive your worst enemy and forgive everyone else who has hurt you. It will heal your soul and set you free.”

    Good grief!

    If a woman who lost nearly her entire family to the Nazis and was experimented on in a death camp during the freaking Holocaust can denounce hate and exhort us to forgive our greatest enemies, then why can’t we?

    Seriously.

    I’m asking.

    I get that hate can make us feel good, justified, righteous, holy, and all those other things for a minute–maybe even a day–but we can’t go on this way.

    We are making ourselves sick with self-righteousness and bitterness, and the longer we persist like this, the more healing moves beyond our reach until it will be lost to us permanently.

    We need to change course before it’s too late, so if hanging up hate is the cost of healing, are we willing to pay?

    Again, I am asking.

    Begging, really.

    Because I want healing desperately.

    For the world. For the country. For me.

    So…

    If you–like me–are a part of the 93% that says you’re tired of how divided we’ve become, I’d encourage you to quit being tired and start pursuing healing.

    How?

    I recommend starting with these:

    Don’t let yourself give in to hopelessness.

    Turn off the TV and press in to your community.

    Love on your friends and family, even if–especially if–you disagree.

    Don’t let hatred reign supreme.

    Forgive your enemies.

    See their humanity.

    If you do all that, I can pretty much guarantee that your life will change dramatically, and while you may not think you alone can be an agent of healing, I completely disagree.

    I’ve said it before–I’ll say it again!

    If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you’ve clearly never slept in a room with a mosquito.

    So!

    Do you want to be healed?

    If the answer is yes, then get after it, friend, and know that I (and hopefully 93% of the population) are running in the same direction as you.

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    S.P.I.T. Apologies

    If you don’t already know this, my goal in life is to be an apologist.

    However, whenever I say I want to be an apologist, eight times out of ten, people look at me and say something to the effect of,

    “Uh… You want to apologize for a living?”

    At which point, I launch into an explanation about the greek word apologia and how it means “to give a defense,” and their eyes glaze over.

    It’s great.

    Anyways…

    Because of that common misconception, I have given some thought to what it might actually be like to apologize for a living.

    Lemme tell ya.

    Close-quarter quarantine living is providing ample opportunity to manifest that particular reality.

    But, hey!

    Cultiv8ing Character is all about self-improvement and apologizing is an area where, at least for me, there’s a lot–a lot–of room for growth.

    Because apologizing is hard.

    It takes a whole lot of humility, effort, practice, and spit.

    In fact, spit is an essential component if you want your apology to stick.

    That is, S.P.I.T., the acronym I’ve settled upon for this.

    Why S.P.I.T.?

    Well, because 1) I have the sense of humor of a middle school boy and 2) nothing sticks in the brain like an unsavory bodily fluid/function.

    So!

    If you, like me, want to get better at apologizing, read on because I’m about to breakdown some apologizing requirements for the next time you do or say something you wish you could take back.

    And take it from me, friend.

    Speedy, Penitent, In-person, and Thorough, apologies are by far the best.

    “S” Is For Speedy

    In life, there are a number of things you do not want to sit on.

    Thumbtacks.

    Porcupines.

    Babies.

    AND…

    Apologies.

    Seriously.

    When it comes to giving an apology, there is a need for speed.

    If you wait too long, things start to get… stiff.

    Think of the genie in Aladdin when he says,

    Sitting on an apology is no different.

    People begin to get cricks in their necks, and they start to wonder if you’re ever going to address the thing you did/said.

    If not now, then when?

    Personally, I think an hour–a day–at most, is more than enough time to swallow your pride and apologize.

    However!

    That being said, a sincere apology has no expiration date.

    So if something happened way back when, and you find yourself asking,

    Is it too late now to say sorry?

    happy justin bieber GIF

    The answer is no.

    It’s never too late to say sorry, but it may be the case that the relationship has changed due to death, distance, or damage done by a languishing apology.

    You don’t want things to go that way if a simple “I’m sorry” was all that was needed to fix the issue in the first place.

    So take it from me, and don’t sit on your apologies!

    On to P!

    “P” Is For Penitent

    The major key to any good apology is that it is being given sincerely.

    Actual penitence is of high, even chief, importance.

    However, it’s also the bit I think most people struggle with because most of the time we think we acted justifiably, making it extremely, extremely, hard to genuinely say “sorry.”

    As a proof, I offer a story.

    For those of you languishing under the thumb of only child syndrome, this might be foreign to you, but for those of you with siblings, you know this is 100% true.

    Let me set the scene.

    I, a young girl of maybe eight or nine years of age, am readying myself to watch TV. Remote in hand, I settle myself on the couch and press the on button.

    Then, the unthinkable happens.

    My little sister walks in and imperiously says,”I want to watch something.”

    I tighten my hold on the remote control. “Too bad. I was here first.”

    She edges towards the couch.

    I, knowing her plan, go on high alert.

    And sure enough, a second later, she lunges and a full on brawl breaks out, full of rolling, punching, kicking, and attempts to pin the other person down.

    Basically this:

    “What is going on here?!”

    All eyes go to the new person in the room.

    Mom.

    The remote is extended high above my head. My foot is planted on my sister’s chest. We make eye contact, and I know, I know, what’s about to happen.

    She gives me a diabolical grin, turns back towards Mom, and cries, “Sarah kicked me!”

    Yeah. You bet I did. That tends to happen when someone’s teeth clamp down on my skin. It’s called self-defense, you miscreant.

    But she’s the baby of the family, and I’ve been taking taekwondo classes.

    I should “know better.”

    The rest of the tale is as old as time, culminating in one of the most hated phrases in all of human history:

    “Say you’re sorry.”

    My lips press into a line. I’ve already relinquished the remote. I will not relinquish my pride.

    “Sarah, say you’re sorry.”

    Yeah. I’m sorry alright. Sorry I didn’t give her a face burn across the carpet and jam the remote into her side.

    However, the ultimate end is inevitable.

    The count to three begins, and the most insincere apology I can muster is wrested from my lips.

    “Sorry,” I spit, envisioning the next time we’re outside, unobserved, where I’m going to pound my “baby” sister into the pavement and make her eat an earthworm.

    In case you can’t tell, little Sarah was not the most penitent person around.

    Now, some of you may say, “Why should you be? You were at least somewhat an injured party!”

    That may be true.

    However, I’ve found that embracing a “woe is me” attitude is a really fast way to nuke your ability to give an apology–at least one with any modicum of sincerity.

    And sincerity–genuine penitence–is, as already stated, essential for a meaningful apology.

    However, if you’re really struggling to offer an apology, and you feel like you are the injured party, what can help is specificity.

    In the example given above, I was made to give a blanket apology that assumed near total responsibility, and I was fit to spit.

    “I’m sorry” tasted like battery acid, and all I felt was resentment as I pushed the words past my lips.

    Likewise, I could not have sincerely said, “I’m sorry for kicking her.” Because I wasn’t. I was kind of regretting I hadn’t kicked her unconscious.

    HOWEVER!

    I could have definitely sincerely said, “I’m sorry I didn’t get Mom to begin with to resolve the situation.”

    That would’ve been totally true and genuine because had I done that, I probably could’ve watched my show and then given my sister the remote control.

    Win-win.

    Instead, I had to go to my room, alone, while she got to watch her show because I didn’t have foresight or self-control.

    So!

    If you can’t sincerely offer a blanket apology, try your hand at specificity because by and large, there is almost always something specific you/me/we could’ve done better, and being conscious of this is so important in interpersonal relationships.

    However, more than anything, I want to stress that insincere apologies are completely worthless.

    Apologies require penitence, and penitence requires genuineness.

    But genuineness doesn’t always equal penitence.

    If you really, truly feel you did nothing wrong, you need to be honest, and if that’s the case, this is what I recommend you say as a cease and desist strategy:

    “This situation is clearly out of hand, and I need to get some distance. If you give me an hour to get my thoughts together, I’ll be able to address this situation and you much more respectfully, even if I can’t sincerely offer an apology.”

    I think most reasonable people would be willing to accept that, and if they aren’t… if they want to keep at you and force an apology out of you against your will

    You might want to consider if you should be hanging around them still.

    Which brings me to my next point!

    “I” Is For In-Person

    In this day and age, I think it’s safe to say that everyone has probably experienced getting dumped, fired, rejected, etc., remotely.

    Text. Email. Snapchat. Zoom.

    All tools in widespread use.

    Nowadays, we have COVID-19 as an excuse, but even prior to this whole thing, hard conversations were often had at a distance.

    Over a screen.

    What does that mean?

    It means, in brief, “I don’t have the time, energy, desire, etc. to have this conversation face-to-face with you.”

    It’s not great, but it’s understandable.

    People are busy, resources finite, and it’s not as if dumping, firing, or rejecting someone is a fun pastime.

    People want to be quick and efficient when it comes to awkward, negative, and/or painful interactions, and using the internet is the best way to do that.

    However, could you imagine if this was how people preferred to interact for happy conversations?

    Like, for example, asking someone the Hallmark question:

    This is supposed to be a momentous, moving occasion!

    You are humbling yourself before that person and declaring your desire to spend the rest of your life honoring them.

    It’s an amazing, incredible, and beautiful thing!

    …and you want to do it through an iPhone screen? Maybe with an emoji?

    Sorry, friends, but barring extenuating circumstances, that’s gonna be an auto-reject from pretty much any person I’ve ever met.

    Because saying, “Will you spend the rest of your life with me? But also, I don’t have the time, energy, desire, etc. to ask you this in-person” is not a winning strategy.

    Forget getting down on one knee.

    How does this apply to giving in-person apologies?

    Well, if you’ll notice, the heart of a proposal (a good one, that is) is eerily similar to the heart of a genuine apology.

    You’re saying, “I’m going to humble myself because I messed up, and honor you by telling you so and asking you to forgive me. Why? Because I value you and want to repair how I wronged you.”

    I think that’s an amazing, incredible, beautiful thing!

    And yet, we often treat apologies as if they belong in the category of dump, fire, reject, etc.

    As something unpleasant that we just want to be done with ASAP.

    “I’m sorry” might flash across a screen, but what does that mean?

    “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. But also I don’t have the time, energy, desire, etc. to humble myself and honor you to your face.”

    Again, barring extenuating circumstances, thanks, but no thanks.

    Instead, I highly, highly, recommend you go to the person, get down on one knee, and say you’re sorry.

    Seriously.

    That’s what I did after scaring the stuffing out of my high school roomie with a bumble bee, and she forgave me 🙂

    Onto the S.P.I.T finale!

    “T” Is For Thorough

    Alright!

    We’re at the end–you’ve given a speedy, penitent, in-person apology, and now it’s time for the final check.

    Is the person you’re apologizing to satisfied with it?

    Because you can apologize speedily, penitently, and in-person for X, Y, and Z, but if what hurt the other person is actually some other thing, you will have flubbed your apology.

    Because an apology isn’t just about diminishing or absolving your guilt.

    If you want that, go to a confessional.

    But if you want the restoration of a relationship, you need to make sure the other person is satisfied with the apology as you gave it because the fact of the matter is:

    Apologizing is about humbling yourself AND honoring the other person, and if the other person doesn’t feel honored, there’s still going to be a fissure in the relationship.

    It takes one to repent. It takes two to be reconciled.

    So check-in.

    Ask them if they forgive you and if there is anything you missed that is still bothering them about the thing you said or did.

    You might also include,

    “What can I do to make it up to you?”

    I actually recommend asking that because the answer will tell you something about the character of the person you are apologizing to.

    If they say something like “Please don’t do it again” or ask you to do something reasonable to make amends that tells you that they also want to restore the relationship.

    However, if they start throwing out degrading, humiliating, and/or outlandish things you must do to earn their forgiveness, sit up and take notice.

    Because there’s a chance that what they’re after is not relational restoration but punishment.

    Revenge, even.

    Or simply to take advantage of you.

    And similar to the people that revel in forced apologies, people who would seek to exploit or abuse your desire to honor them after you already humbled yourself are not, perhaps, the people you want to be hanging around.

    And frankly, doing what they demand of you could actually make your apologies moot because for an apology to be worth something, it has to come from someone with self-respect.

    Not a doormat.

    A doormat cannot humble itself.

    It’s a doormat.

    A doormat cannot honor anyone else.

    It’s a doormat.

    If you allow yourself to be ground into the ground and dragged around by those that would kick you when you’re already kneeling down, you can hang up your apologizing hat because your apologies going forth will be, essentially, meaningless.

    You will have become a doormat.

    Incapable of humbling yourself.

    Incapable of honoring anyone else.

    Meaningful apologies will be right out, and we really don’t want that because apologies are literally like aloe for the soul!

    Seriously, they can heal people.

    I’ve seen it.

    I’ve experienced it.

    As someone who has burnt and been burnt more times than I can count, trust me, I know.

    So!

    I hope I’ve convinced you that S.P.I.T. apologies are where it is at, but also remember please, please, please do NOT become a doormat.

    That’s all for this week!

    Please feel free to subscribe and share 🙂

    When God Claps Back: There’s A Revival Afoot in The Sciences

    If one were to ask the average American scientist whether or not there is a god, they would most likely receive a negative response. According to the most recent polls, barely a third of scientists in the United States believe in a god, a sharp contrast to the roughly eighty percent of America that does. It is a glaring gap, and it begs the question, what about science makes belief in a god so anathematic?

    In the mid-nineteenth century, Thomas Huxley, a biologist and ardent supporter of Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution (so much so that he eventually garnered the moniker “Darwin’s Bulldog”) had this to say about the reason why scientists are so averse to faith: 

    “The improver of natural knowledge absolutely refuses to acknowledge authority, as such. For him, scepticism is the highest of duties; blind faith the one unpardonable sin… The man of science has learned to believe in justification, not by faith, but by verification.”

    “Blind faith” or a “God of the gaps” explanation wherein one simply shrugs their shoulders and says, “I don’t know. God did it”  is antithetical to the scientific way of life, and understandably so.

    After all, science is based on evidence–testable, verifiable evidence. It demands that there be proof in the pudding rather than appeals to some pie-in-the-sky deity who supposedly directs the world from on high.

    “Skepticism is the highest of duties,” and it is the scientist’s duty to ask how and why.

    So if the vast majority of scientists are correct that God does not exist, they should have a fair bit of evidence shored up to prove it, or, at the very least, they should be able to offer an alternative explanation as to how and why everything we know and see has come to be apart from the machinations of a deity.

    And they do.

    That is, they claim to.

    Their explanation for the complexity of the natural world begins with a presupposed primordial soup. 

    In 1859, Charles Darwin’s On The Origin of Species made its debut, and in the century and a half since publication, the theories contained therein have continued to dominate the scientific landscape.

    Presently, evolution and natural selection are akin to sacred creeds. Indeed, evolution in particular has ceased to be merely a theory, and is now considered an uncontestable “fact,” comparable by some to the law of gravity.

    To challenge Darwin is, as Yale Professor Dr. David Gelernter has said, “to take your life into your hands intellectually.” 

    And yet, some, including Dr. Gelernter, are doing just that, and why shouldn’t they? Skepticism is, after all, the highest duty of any good scientist, and if Darwinian theory is correct, it should have nothing to fear from a healthy dose of inquiry.

    Put up or shut up, as they say, and if Darwin’s theories cannot hold up to criticism or scrutiny, the scientific community ought to clear them away.

    So with respect to Darwin’s theories, can they?

    And perhaps, more importantly, with respect to the regnant scientific community, do they

    The answer, at present, is no on both counts.

    In On The Origin of Species, Darwin explained monumental change by assuming all life-forms descend from a common ancestor and evolve through random, heritable variation and natural selection.

    No divine design or direction needed.

    However, even at the time of his writing, Darwin was aware of a particular and nagging problem with his theory: an incursion in the fossil record which rather than showing gradual, continuous change between organisms, showed sudden, discontinuous change. 

    The kind that his theory could not explain.

    This rather cataclysmic hiccup is the so-called “Cambrian Explosion,” a period of roughly 70 million years (a “blink of an eye” in biological and geological terms) wherein a plethora of new life forms entered the fossil record seemingly without any ancestral antecedents. Darwin acknowledged the problem for what it was: a mortal blow to his theory, writing,

    “If numerous species, belonging to the same genera or families, have really started into life all at once, the fact would be fatal to the theory of evolution through natural selection.”

    He further stated that

    “To the question why we do not find such rich fossiliferous deposits belonging to these assumed earlier periods prior to the Cambrian system, I can give no satisfactory answer… The case at present must remain inexplicable; and may be truly urged as a valid argument against the views here entertained.” 

    This was a remarkably humble admittance given the boundless confidence Darwin’s present-day defenders now seem to possess. However, Darwin did remain optimistic that given time, new evidence of Precambrian organisms would emerge, vindicating his theory. 

    That has not happened. 

    Instead, new discoveries in the fossil record have only confirmed what Darwin and his then critics, among them the Head of Harvard’s Lawrence Scientific School, Louis Agassiz, observed. There are no discernable transitional predecessors for the Cambrian Explosion, only more challenges to Darwin’s essential gradualism and a whole lot of dirt.

    The late and celebrated evolutionary biologist Stephen Jay Gould, acknowledged this in the late 80s, saying, “The Precambrian record is now sufficiently good that the old rationale about undiscovered sequences of smoothly transitional forms will no longer wash.” 

    However, others, such as Former Director of the National Center for Science Education Eugenie Scott, have said that the discrepancies in the fossil record can be explained as merely “…a sampling problem.”

    But the fact remains that the Precambrian creatures Darwin so hoped we would find have vanished without a trace, as if they’d never been there in the first place. Or, perhaps, one could say, as if they’d been divinely erased.

    However, setting the problematic fossil record aside, a new challenge to Darwinism has emerged in more recent times, aided substantively by twenty and twenty-first century advancements in molecular biology as well as the kind of math done in the average pre-algebra class.

    In 1953, Francis Crick and James Watson discovered the structure of DNA, elucidating the double helix and leading to a revolution in the field of molecular biology. However, alongside this tremendous discovery came new questions about the complexity of the cell, something which had previously been considered little more than an “undifferentiated block of jello.”

    In Darwin’s time, it was reasonable enough to assume this was true, and the notion that an undifferentiated block of jello could arise given time, plus matter, plus chance seemed plausible, even probable. 

    However, the cell is not a block of jello.

    It is, in the words of Dr. David Berlinski (Princeton PhD), 

    “…an unbelievably complex bit of machinery. Unfathomably complex. And we haven’t understood its complexity at all. Every time we look, there seems to be an additional layer of rebarbative complexity.” 

    This presents a problem for the Darwinian model, a problem that is only compounded by the fact that Crick and Watson not only demonstrated that the cell was incredibly structurally complex but also that it was coded with information–not unlike a computer program. For anyone who knows coding, it’s an incredibly intricate process (i.e. not the sort of thing that arises from time, plus matter, plus chance).

    Common sense tells us that today, and it told others the same back then.

    Within a decade, Watson and Crick’s discoveries about the cell’s complexity and the coding of DNA had percolated beyond the fields of molecular and evolutionary biology and found their way to the desks of mathematicians, physicists, and engineers who took a few looks at the new information set before them, sat it alongside Darwin’s theory of evolution, and said,

    “Watson, we have a problem.”

    Thus, in April of 1966, a group of some of the world’s most renowned mathematicians, physicists, and biologists gathered at the Wistar Institute in Philadelphia to duke out what they called “Mathematical Challenges to the Neo-Darwinian Interpretation of Evolution.”

    For the mathematicians present, the issue was a straightforward one: Now knowing something of the complexity of the cell and the coding of DNA, the odds of generating new life (a protein, specifically) through random mutation were simply too minute to entertain. 

    Dr. Gelernter details this in his 2019 essay “Giving Up Darwin,” but in brief, the building blocks of life are strands of protein composed of amino acids arranged in a particular sequence like a beaded necklace. A “modest-sized” protein chain is 150-amino acids long (the average is 250), and for each of those 150 spots, there are 20 amino acids to pick from. In total, the number of possible arrangements of those 150 amino acids is 10… to the 195th power (that’s 10 with 195 zeros after it. A trillion is 10 with just 11 zeros after it).

    Thus, the odds of generating a particular strand of protein is 1 over 10 to the 195th power.

    Just to put that into perspective, there are only 10 to the 80th power atoms in the entire universe.  

    However, the biologists at the symposium argued that the mathematicians were being too stingy with their estimation of functional protein sequences. Yes, the odds seemed prohibitive, but who knew how many sequences would work in the end? At the time, none of them did.

    However, MIT Professor Dr. Murray Eden observed,

    “No currently existing formal language can tolerate random changes in the symbol sequences which express its sentences. Meaning is almost invariably destroyed. Any changes must be syntactically lawful ones.”

    Put another way, he predicted that random mutations were more likely to hurt than help the chain experiencing the mutating.

    He was right. 

    In 2007, almost fifty years after the Wistar Symposium convened, Dr. Murray and his Darwin-critical compatriots were vindicated by the work of Dr. Douglas Axe (Cambridge PhD) who showed that the odds of getting a functional protein, the most basic, rudimentary form of life, through random variation were 1 over 10… to the 77th power.

    While those odds are better than 1 over 10 to the 195th power, they remain so astronomical as to be functionally impossible.

    However, evolutionary biologists and their sympathizers are quick to remind critics that evolution has been running since time immemorial, and given billions of years, it may well be the case that the astronomical odds of generating a functional protein through random mutation narrow to something approaching reasonable.

    Give anything enough time and the impossible supposedly becomes possible.

    This was one of the arguments put forth by Richard Dawkins in his 1986 book The Blind Watchmaker, wherein he writes, “…given enough time, a monkey bashing away at random on a typewriter could produce all the works of Shakespeare.”

    Let’s see.

    In 2003, students and lecturers at the University of Plymouth received a grant to test Dawkins’ popularized hypothesis. They placed a computer and keyboard in an enclosure with six macaques monkeys and let them get to work. Over the course of a month, aside from using the equipment as a toilet, the monkeys managed to produce five-typed pages, but not a single word.

    However, who’s to say that if they’d had 4.55 billion years (the approximate age of the earth) to whack away at the keyboard, a Shakespearean sonnet wouldn’t have popped out? 

    MIT graduate Dr. Gerald Schroeder, for one, who, in 2004, during a public debate in New York with “The World’s Most Notorious Atheist” Professor Anthony Flew, systematically refuted the “infinite monkey theorem” on the simple basis that there are not enough protons, neutrons, and electrons in the entire universe to generate just the written trials (the trials!) necessary for monkeys, typing at random, to produce “Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day?”

    The universe would need to be 10 to the 600th power larger than it is to accommodate that feat. Again, that’s ten with six-hundred zeros after it. 

    It is worth noting that after having been presented with arguments about the complexity of cells and DNA, as well as other evidence, Professor Flew declared himself a deist, saying,

    “[It] was a major change of course for me, but it was nevertheless consistent with the principle I have embraced since the beginning of my philosophical life–of following the argument, no matter where it leads.”

    Such intellectual integrity is a wonder and a rarity, but many of Flew’s atheist peers attributed his change to “senility.” 

    Returning to the more straightforward issue of whether random mutations can, given the entire history of the earth, create a functional protein, the answer is also no.

    At present, scientists estimate that in the whole of history, there have been 10 to the 40th power bacteria in existence. Assuming that every single one of those bacteria experienced a mutation (an event evolutionary biologists admit is a rarity), that would be 10 to the 40th power mutations in the course of human history. Stacked against the likelihood of randomly generating a functional protein (which, again, is 1 over 10 to the 77th power), what is left is 1 over 10… to the 37th power. 

    It is mathematically impossible.

    In brief, there simply has not been anywhere near enough time for Darwin’s theory to work. The universe has not had enough tries to come close to generating the most rudimentary forms of life. In the words of Dr. Gelernter,

    “From whatever angle you come at it, the answer is ‘no.’ There has not been enough time. The number of ‘throws’ we’ve had is too puny to be worth talking about. It doesn’t even approach puninous!”

    Thus, Gelernter asserts, the math is out, the odds impossible, and Darwinian theory, for all its beauty, must be given up. The question he poses to biologists now is:

    “How cleanly and quickly can the field get over Darwin, and move on?”

    Helpfully, that question has already been answered by another arm of the scientific community. Because in the early and mid-twentieth century, cosmologists underwent the definitive death of the “steady state” theory–Darwin’s ideological equivalent within cosmology.

    As we shall see, it took them over fifty years to finally admit defeat.

    In the late-1920s, enterprising, young astronomer Edwin Hubble (of Hubble telescope fame) looked up at the stars and saw something that Einstein’s reigning “steady state” theory of the universe could not explain. It looked like the universe was expanding. This discovery sent shockwaves through the scientific community, but Hubble persisted, showing his findings to Einstein himself who, after a “torturous” thought process, finally accepted the truth, admitting,

    “New observations by Hubble and Humason concerning the redshift of light in distant nebulae make it appear likely that the general structure of the universe is not static.”  

    However, a great number of cosmologists resisted this new theory. The “Big Bang,” as renowned astronomer and cosmologist Sir Fred Hoyle disparagingly coined it, was unpalatable.

    British astrophysicist Arthur Eddington put it more colorfully, proclaiming, “the notion of a beginning is repugnant to me…. The expanding universe is preposterous … incredible … it leaves me cold.”

    Yet in 1963, physicists Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson detected remnants of microwave radiation in the sky, observable evidence that the Big Bang had occurred: there was a beginning to the universe.    

    By the late 1970s, the “steady state” theory had been “dead and buried” by almost every reputable cosmologist in the field. The evidence was overwhelmingly in favor of Big Bang Cosmology, and yet despite the scientific consensus, a visible amount of ideological reticence remained.

    MIT Professor Philip Morrison remarked in the mid-70s, “I find it hard to accept the big‐bang theory; I would like to reject it.”

    Why would this be? How could this be? How could scientists, those men of verification and evidence as Thomas Huxley put it so succinctly a century prior, be reluctant, even unwilling, to go where the evidence leads?

    The answer was given by none other than Professor Stephen Hawking, who, in the late-twentieth century, admitted, “So long as the universe had a beginning, we could suppose it had a creator.”

    Put simply, if there was a Big Bang, there must have been a Big Banger!

    To scientists intent on rejecting all authority save that found within the scientific community, this was a nightmare scenario.

    The worst of all possible worlds!

    It certainly did not help matters that Noble laureate Arno Penzias remarked,

    “The best data we have concerning the Big Bang are exactly what I would have predicted, had I nothing to go on but the five books of Moses, the Psalms, the Bible as a whole.”

    It was like pouring salt in the wound.

    Alternative explanations for the Big Banger quickly proliferated–they had to.

    Because for scientists to say the Big Bang had no cause (i.e. no Big Banger) would be to say it was, in short, a virgin birth.

    Since most scientists hold the Biblical Virgin Birth in contempt, affirming the universe’s virgin birth would be logically incoherent.

    Especially since the Big Bang lays claim to the birth of all creation while the Virgin Birth, canonically, only claims to have birthed the baby born to save it.

    Thus, scientists must either bend their knees to the Big Banger or offer alternatives.

    Most have chosen the latter.

    But what of these alternatives?

    If the Big Banger is indeed existent albeit not the God chronicled in the Bible, then who or what is it?

    One proposed hypothesis tries to skirt the question entirely.

    This is the multiverse theory, which was generated to explain away the discombobulating reality that, Big Bang notwithstanding, the universe seems to be “fine-tuned” for the existence of human life.

    So much so is its apparent design that Sir Fred Hoyle (of disparaging Big Bang naming fame) grumbled that it looked like “a super-intellect has monkeyed with physics, as well as with chemistry and biology,” further stating, “The universe looks like a put-up job.”

    The multiverse theory endeavors to solve this problem by blowing out the imagined number of universes in the hopes that if the number is large enough, fine-tuning could be just a matter of time, plus matter, plus chance (Like Darwin all over again).

    No Big Banger needed.

    But does the multiverse theory actually accomplish this?

    The hypothesis itself has been described by Professor Richard Dawkins like this: 

    We live in a kind of bubbling foam of universes, and each bubble in the foam has a different set of laws of physics. The vast majority of those laws of physics are not conducive to giving rise to us. A tiny minority are… We could only be in one of those bubbles that have the necessary laws of physics to bring us into existence, and therefore, obviously, since we do exist… we must be in such a universe.

    In other words, we live in a kind of cosmic bubble bath.

    However, the question remains: 

    …Who drew the bath? 

    That, scientists, cannot explain, and with no little horror, the realization sets in: far from diminishing or skirting the problem of the Big Banger, multiverse proponents have only inflated their antagonizer.

    The Big Banger has become an even Bigger Bubbler!

    Thus, the origin problem when it comes to the universe cannot be attenuated by the multiverse.

    But what about life on earth?

    Can scientists explain the origin of the “warm little pond” Darwin presupposed over a hundred and fifty years ago?

    They’ve tried.

    Presently, the source of life on earth that cosmologists, molecular biologists, and evolutionary biologists alike have settled upon is none other than extraterrestrials.

    The theory that alien lifeforms “seeded” our planet (known as “panspermia”) was one embraced and popularized by aforementioned astronomer and cosmologist Sir Fred Hoyle in the mid-twentieth century at the time when he was still fighting the ascendance of Big Bang Cosmology.

    He was bolstered in his belief by Nobel Prize Winner and aforementioned co-discoverer of the double helix, Francis Crick, who wrote in 1981 that it was “not implausible… that life here was seeded by microorganisms sent on some form of spaceship by an advanced civilization.”

    Even more recently, famed evolutionary biologist, aforementioned Professor Richard Dawkins concurred: “It could be that at some earlier time in the universe, some civilization evolved by probably some kind of Darwinian means to a very, very high level of technology and designed a form of life that they seeded onto this planet.” 

    In summary, the options on the table to explain the origins of the universe and life on earth are 1) a super-intellect who has, by scientists’ own admission, “monkeyed around with the physics” in order to permit our existence, 2) a virgin birth, 3) a cosmic bubble bath known as the multiverse, and 4) agrarian-minded aliens.

    Each option seems incredible, but each one is still on the table, including, under option number 1, the God of the Bible. Indeed, to a number of scientists, that answer is increasingly credible.

    In fact, all the way back in 1978, agnostic and Head of the Goddard Space Program at NASA Dr. Robert Jastrow, having observed the contortions of his fellow scientists to avoid Big Bang Cosmology and, in turn, the God of the Bible, said this:

    “For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries.”

    Were Dr. Jastrow still alive today, he may well have risked being tarred and feathered like an oleaginous wild turkey for saying such a thing because when it comes to religion within the body scientific, the community is far from welcoming.

    However, despite this, there are a number of top-tier scientists today that loudly and proudly declare their faith.

    Christian convert, Fellow of The Royal Society of Chemistry, and Nanoscientist Dr. James Tour has said,

    “I’m certainly an anomaly in the academy. I love Jesus more than anything. I just love Jesus… and I just want to spend my life talking about Him and how good He is. And what I’ve found in the academy is that if you speak a little bit about Jesus, they’ll give you trouble, but if you speak a lot, they leave you alone. They just don’t even want to get you started–I just will not quit. I just love Jesus more than anything. I’ll take out full page ads in the school newspaper and just talk about Jesus and how wonderful He is.” 

    Dr. Francis Collins, another convert to Christianity, headed the Human Genome Project and received both the Presidential Medal of Freedom as well as the National Medal of Science in 2007 and 2009, respectively. He currently directs the National Institute of Health, an appointment he received from President Barack Obama in 2007.

    Despite his accomplishments, Collins has received a fair amount of criticism for his beliefs, some arguing his Christian faith ought to exempt him from places of prominence within the scientific community.

    Collins has offered a simple rejoinder

    “I have found there is a wonderful harmony in the complementary truths of science and faith. The God of the Bible is also the God of the genome. God can be found in the cathedral or in the laboratory. By investigating God’s majestic and awesome creation, science can actually be a means of worship.”

    In sharp contrast, scientists who cleave to atheism absolutely, positively do not want to find God anywhere, least of all in the laboratory!

    One could imagine if God dared stick His head out of a petri-dish, the mission-minded scientific atheist would quickly whip out a materialist mallet and smash dish and deity to smithereens.

    “Gotcha!” He’d say, sweeping the bits of glass and providence away. “They’ll be no blasted deity today!” 

    In all seriousness, the fervor with which many scientists pledge fealty to atheism does–by their own admission–strain the bounds of credulity.

    Former endowed chair of biology and zoology at Harvard University and ardent atheist, Dr. Richard Lewontin, has said as much, writing,

    “Our willingness to accept scientific claims that are against common sense is the key to an understanding of the real struggle between science and the supernatural. We take the side of science in spite of the patent absurdity of some of its constructs, in spite of its failure to fulfill many of its extravagant promises of health and life, in spite of the tolerance of the scientific community for unsubstantiated just-so stories, because we have a prior commitment, a commitment to materialism… we cannot allow a Divine Foot in the door.”

    Interestingly, even Richard Dawkins has not been that extreme. In fact, during a debate with Oxford Professor, Christian, and Triple-Doctor of Mathematics, Science, and Philosophy John Lennox on the topic “Has Science Buried God?,” Dawkins said he would be willing to consider some kind of higher power:

    “You could possibly persuade me that there was some kind of creative force in the universe. Some kind of physical, mathematical genius who created everything… You could possibly persuade me of that, but that is radically and fundamentally incompatible with the sort of god who cares about sin, a sort of god who cares about what you do with your genitals, or the sort of god who has the slightest interest in your private thoughts and wickedness.” 

    Dawkins central problem, then, is not the existence of a higher power but rather the nature of the higher power, and he would rather a universe of “blind, pitiless, indifference” as he says in his book River Out of Eden, than a God who enjoins His people to practice abstinence. 

    That is his preference. 

    But it is just that. A preference.

    To believe or not to believe, that is the question, and well-respected scientists of all stripes disagree.

    Some, like Tour, Collins, and Lennox, even hold hard and fast to Christianity.

    And yet, thanks to the way many scientific atheists talk today and the widespread propagation of the things they say, much of society has been led to believe that people of faith, particularly the Christian faith, are off their rocker, crazy.

    A bunch of science-denying loony-toons who believe aliens came and–

    Wait a second…

    In all seriousness, though. The kind of anti-religious vitriol favored by the Dawkinses of the world is literally a century old.

    In the run up to the historic Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925, Baltimore Sun journalist H.L. Mencken published a piece entitledHomo Neanderthaliswherein he ripped into religious rejectors of evolution as societal ills and impediments, saying,

    “The so-called religious organizations which now lead the war against teaching evolution are nothing more, at bottom, than conspiracies of the inferior man against his betters… no man of any education or other human dignity belongs to them… They have fought every new truth ever heard of, and they have killed every truth-seeker who got into their hands.”

    It was a timely critique, but times have changed.

    The landscape of the science versus faith debate is not the same as it was in the early twentieth century.

    The definitive death of Darwin’s theories is underway.

    The Big Banger remains existent and unchanged.

    And no longer is it the good and faithful who are running away, clutching crucifixes and bottles of holy water to ward against the incursion of challengers to the faith. 

    Many are actually eager to debate.

    The fact of the matter is there is a revival afoot in the sciences born not of Biblical literalism or fundamentalist fatuousness but of real, genuine scientific inquiry and a desire to appreciate the earth and universe in all their splendor and majesty.

    As such, Christian men and women within the sciences are stepping up and stepping out in faith, saying, as Galileo said,

    “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”

    Christians pursue scientific truth too.

    So, yes.

    The “God of the gaps” that Huxley and many nineteenth and twentieth-century scientists held in contempt is dead.

    He remains dead.

    Science has killed him and shot Darwin and the “steady state” alongside.

    However, the God of the Bible has survived the triple homicide and come roaring back in the sciences.

    In truth, as time marches on, more and more science seems to be pointing to God, and should this continue, there is a very real chance that soon, perhaps very soon, the skeptics will simply be overwhelmed and the cynics will be forced to declare themselves. 

    All that to say…

    When it comes to the science and faith debate, consider carefully those who no longer want to debate. 

    Consider when it was that their scientific skepticism went away. 

    The issue, they say, is closed. 

    But methinks the emperor has no clothes. 

    This is a revised version of my research paper for Christian Theologies in America Spring 2020.

    The School & The Soul: The Place of Edification in Public Education

    In the nineteenth-century, politician Horace Mann embarked on a mission to reform public education in the United States. His vision was to initiate a “common school” revival wherein students would be provided with instruction not only on the “three R’s” [reading, writing, and arithmetic], but also and most importantly on non-sectarian moral formation. Mann’s hope was to make local improvements universal triumphs and to nurture and nourish the better angels of human nature through early childhood education. He believed the latter was absolutely essential for the health and prosperity of America’s democracy and warned that “…if we are derelict in our duty, in this matter, our children, in their turn, will suffer. If we permit the vulture’s eggs to be incubated and hatched, it will then be too late to take care of the lambs.” Since Mann’s crusade, the public school system in the United States has proliferated to the point where there are nearly one hundred-thousand schools educating over fifty-million students every day. However, Mann’s vision for a holistic “common school” has sadly fallen away. While demands for a universal, equal, and now equitable education system have not waned, the United States is now more diverse and ideologically sectarian than Mann could have ever imagined, making his idealization of a common moral education seem woefully out of date. In this paper, I will first argue that increasing ideological pluralism does in fact preclude the instantiation of a common moral landscape within America’s public school system; however, I will conclude by acknowledging that perhaps Horace Mann was correct about the need for shared moral formation within education, and assess whether now, almost two hundred years out, it is, in fact, too late to take care of the lambs.

    Despite the increasing ideological polarization taking place in the United States, the notion that education, whether public, private, or otherwise, is an essential component of a functioning society is largely uncontested. This belief goes all the way back to antiquity, featuring prominently in Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, wherein he writes that early training in a person’s life makes “all the difference in the world.” More recently and more admonitorily, Dr. Mortimer Adler cautioned that “Those who are not trained to enjoy society can only despoil its institutions and corrupt themselves.” In either case, few are angling for a Lord of The Flies scenario where children are simply loosed and run wild and free, ushering in an age of anarchy. Most everyone can agree and grasp that that would be a bad thing. However, problems arise when we have to pin down what exactly goes into training, that is, educating, the future generations of our society because that requires consensus on what things we ought to teach, and while we may have rough agreement on what is bad (such as anarchy), agreement on what is good seems to be moving evermore out of reach.

    In his 1910 book What’s Wrong with The World, G.K. Chesterton describes this problem as the “medical mistake,” writing, “…the whole difficulty in our public problems is that some men are aiming at cures which other men would regard as worse maladies; are offering ultimate conditions as states of health which others would uncompromisingly call states of disease.”  Since Chesterton’s writing, the problem has only increased, trickling down from the political and cultural movers and shakers of the day to encompass almost every member of America’s polity. John Courtney Murray put it best in his 1960 book We Hold These Truths when he said,

    “The fact today is not simply that we hold different views but that we have become different types of men with different styles of interior life. We are therefore uneasy in one another’s presence. We are not, in fact, present to one another at all. We are absent from one another. That is, I am not transparent to the other, nor he to me; our mutual experience is that of an opaqueness.” 

    This absence and felt “opaqueness” has led to a fair bit of nervousness in the realm of public policy, especially with respect to education, because while most everyone can agree that education is necessary, so too can they see that it can be an instrument, even a weapon, of indoctrination.

    Just recently, Harvard Law Professor Elizabeth Bartholet wrote an article in the Arizona Law Review taking homeschooling to task for that very reason, calling it “an essentially unregulated regime” and arguing that “A very large proportion of homeschooling parents are ideologically committed to isolating their children from the majority culture and indoctrinating them in views and values that are in serious conflict with that culture.” Regardless of whether or not Bartholet’s claim is accurate, it is representative of a particular demographic (i.e. high-brow academics). However, her critique is one which cuts both ways, and the public school system has long been charged with exercising its own form of ideological tyranny. In the early twentieth-century, Princeton Scholar J. Gresham Machen, wrote, “Such a tyranny [public school], supported as it is by a perverse technique used as the instrument in destroying human souls, is certainly far more dangerous than the crude tyrannies of the past, which despite their weapons of fire and sword permitted thought at least to be free.” Interestingly, both Bartholet and Machen appeal to the need for freedom of thought in their criticisms of homeschool and public school, respectively, and both would likely agree that indoctrination is generally a bad thing. However, that would ostensibly only apply inasmuch as they disagreed with who was doing the indoctrinating. 

    This is the heart of the issue because Murray and Chesterton are inescapably correct. We have become different kinds of men, and what one calls a cure, the other calls a plague. What one calls education, the other calls indoctrination, and at this juncture, it seems wholly unlikely that broad consensus will ever be reclaimed. The assumptive Judeo-Christian worldview that Horace Mann operated under no longer exists, and as such, a “…deliberate effort to create in the entire youth of a nation common attitudes, loyalties, and values, and to do so under the central direction of the state” would be seen as frighteningly theocratic to roughly half the country’s population and utterly Orwellian to the rest. In either case, the formal instantiation of moral formation in public education is something that a majority of Americans will no longer accept. The time for a “common school” kind of morality has passed, and the question that must now be answered is what can be done with what’s left?

    In his 1943 work The Abolition of Man, Oxford Professor C.S. Lewis writes,

    “The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles but to irrigate deserts. The right defense against false sentiments is to inculcate just sentiments. By starving the sensibility of our pupils we only make them easier prey to the propagandist when he comes. For famished nature will be avenged and a hard heart is not infallible protection against a soft head.”

    It is sad but true that in the present day, soft heads and hard hearts abound in debates around the form and function of education in the United States. Admittedly, this is true of pretty much every public policy issue currently at play, but if Lewis is to be believed, educators are, at least in part, to blame. Instead of inculcating just sentiments we have been taught to give ourselves over to just sentiment, and as a result of our feelings-driven politics, common sense and mutual respect have been all but gobbled up by the lesser angels of our nature. “We are not friends, but enemies” is the unspoken (though, occasionally voiced) refrain, and without a significant sea change, America’s education system and political discourse will likely only further decay. In this respect, Mann’s assessment of the dangers posed by education absent a common moral framework unfortunately obtains.

    That being said, while it is undeniably the case that the growth of multiculturalism and ideological diversity no longer permit sweeping standards of morality to be put in place, something new has been gained: an opportunity to claim what Lewis might call a kind of “mere morality” where the inherent dignity of every human being is affirmed as a valuable and indelible thing. With that as a guiding principle, schools might again be a place where students are meant to grow and learn instead of serving as ideological battlegrounds for talking heads to engage in mutually destructive slash and burn. In fact, having worked with an amazing group of third graders over the last year, I can say with confidence that those kids are already doing this, and for that reason alone, I am exceedingly optimistic. With soft hearts and hardy heads, whenever given half the chance, those eight and nine-year-olds were almost always willing to give one another the dignity of difference. So while I have to admit that in modern-day America, Mann’s dream of a common moral education can no longer stand, I would just say that there is every reason to hope that despite our differences, we may not be enemies, but friends, once again. That is, of course, as long as we are willing to take a lesson and learn a thing or two from the lambs.

    Issues in Education. Spring 2020. Grade Earned: A.

    The Price of Progress

    I recently had the pleasure and privilege of participating in a reading group with the American Enterprise Institute on the topic “The Human Heart Itself: Hawthorne’s Vision of Reform.”

    Friends, I have thoughts.

    Actually, thoughts might be a bit too generous, but most of my musing are more than a little inchoate so…

    Par for the course, I say!

    You have been warned.

    Onward!

    Let’s start with a short summary of the piece at issue: Nathaniel Hawthorne’s 1844 short story “Earth’s Holocaust.”

    In brief, the story centers around mankind’s bid to make a better world by burning all of the “antiquated trash” that has despoiled humanity since time immemorial.

    The trash includes, but is in no way limited to:

    • Newspapers
    • Vestiges of royalty, knighthood, and nobility
    • Alcohol (like, all of it)
    • Weapons, munitions, muskets, and swords
    • A whole, entire guillotine
    • $$$ (reluctantly)
    • Books (of course)
    • Religious texts, crosses, and trappings of all sorts

    All tossed into the flames with mob-minded alacrity and variations of “hip-hip-hooray!”

    And yet…

    At the end of the tale, when the high is fading and reality and regret are settling in amongst some of those present, a dark figure appears and tells them to buck up–don’t worry!

    All the things they toasted will be back in a hurry!

    Because though they’d burnt the entire earth to a crisp, they’d failed to roast the true source of all the wrong and misery.

    That being the human heart itself.

    The figure says, and I quote,

    “Unless they hit upon some method of purifying that foul cavern, forth from it will reissue all the shapes of wrong and misery–the same old shapes or worse ones–which they have taken such a vast deal of trouble to consume to ashes. I have stood by this livelong night and laughed in my sleeve at the whole business. O, take my word for it, it will be the old world yet!”

    Interesting, is it not?

    I think so!

    Which is why I have thoughts!

    So…

    Having read and briefly discussed this piece with my AEI reading buddies, there are, to me, two big questions at play:

    1. What is the price of progress?
    2. Are we willing to pay?

    Let’s begin.

    What Is The Price of Progress?

    Spoiler alert: I agree with Hawthorne.

    The human heart itself needs to be burned.

    Roasted.

    Toasted.

    Thrown onto the pyre and purified with fire forthwith!

    As evidence, I submit these simple words from Hozier’s hit song “Take Me To Church:”

    “I was born sick, but I love it/
    Command me to be well”

    Don’t those words just knock your socks off?

    They certainly do for me, and honestly, I think those are some of the most poignant and powerful lyrics ever written about the human condition.

    They get to the heart of the matter, pun intended.

    We were born sick, but we love it. Command us to be well.

    To which all our politicians say,

    “Oh don’t you worry. We will.

    Ah.

    Such lovely people.

    But I digress!

    We’re not talking about them and their abject inability to pull their heads from their posteriors long enough to “command” us to anything akin to progress–we’re talking about us.

    You and me.

    Because the fact of the matter is even if (and this is a big if) our benevolent overlords could pluck their heads from their buttocks, they would never, ever, be able to fully control or constrain us.

    In the words of Dr. Samuel Johnson,

    “With respect to original sin, the inquiry is not necessary, for whatever is the cause of human corruption, men are evidently and confessedly so corrupt, that all the laws of heaven and earth are insufficient to restrain them from crimes.”

    Isn’t that the truth?

    Where there’s a will, there’s a way, I say!

    And human beings have a really bad track record of willing the cruel, the wicked, the corrupt, and the depraved no matter the constraints and restraints we face.

    I mean, good grief!

    I catch myself doing at least some of that stuff almost every day!

    You might say,

    “Oh, Sarah. You’re being too hard on yourself and humanity writ large. The world’s problems are so much bigger than our human hearts.”

    Now… while I don’t deny that the external conditions of life can be truly abysmal (we are presently in a pandemic, after all), I think we are far too quick to say if we can just fix x, y, and/or z externally, society’s problems will go away.

    I don’t think that’s the case.

    I think that’s a band-aid.

    One of the allergen-laden latex ones that falls off at first wash and obscures the true cost we have to pay if we want to see real and lasting change.

    Truly, the question we have to reckon with is not “What about the evil out there?” but “What about the evil in us?”

    To which we say,

    “We were born sick, but we love it. Command us to be well.”

    Friends, the fact that that sentiment is actually pretty prevalent is only further proof that our hearts are the real impediments to progress, and as such, tossing them into the bonfire to be roasted, toasted, and purified must be, at least in part, the price of admittance to a better world.

    So.

    Are We Willing To Pay It?

    Now this, to me, is the more interesting question.

    Because it’s one thing to posit a solution.

    It’s a whole ‘nother thing to implement it.

    Especially when the cost is so high as to be ostensibly unbearable.

    Such as when our whole hearts are on the bargaining table.

    See, from what I’ve observed, a lot of people talk about wanting a better world, but when it comes to ponying up, their enthusiasm mysteriously dries up.

    Lawyer and apologist Abdu Murray often says,

    “You know how valuable something is by how much you are willing to pay for it.”

    That seems obvious, but I don’t think it is.

    Because if we think about our broken, hurting world in those terms, how much, really, are we willing to pay for it?

    To that end, one section of “Earth’s Holocaust” that really stuck out when I read it was this scene:

    “One poor fellow threw in his empty purse, and another a bundle of counterfeit or insolvable bank-notes. Fashionable ladies threw in their last season’s bonnets, together with heaps of ribbons, yellow lace, and much other half-worn milliner’s ware, all of which proved even more evanescent in the fire than it had been in the fashion.”

    An empty purse. Insolvable bank-notes. Last season’s fashions.

    We might imagine an updated version would include Millennials and Gen-Z-ers flinging their old smartphones into the fire where they’d melt into an oozing, oleaginous mass of planned obsolescence.

    The flingers would, of course, have their new iPhone whatever-the-latest-generation-is safe in hand.

    See, from what I can tell, everyone wants to participate in the bonfire of human progress, but we want our admittance to come at a pittance.

    We pay what we want to pay and wag our fingers at those with more material things, saying,

    “C’mon, Daddy Warbucks. Put up and shut up.”

    Friends.

    I would gently suggest I don’t think that’s the way to progress.

    See, it’s easy to say the rich, the powerful, the intelligent, and the respectable should be at the front lines of change, leading and sacrificing for the sake of progress.

    But what if the things they have to offer don’t really matter?

    It’s a scary thought because that means we cannot rely on their wealth, their prestige, their power, or their expertise.

    At best, they might succeed, for a time, at stemming the flow of misery, decay, and crime, but they cannot turn the tide.

    Put simply…

    They cannot save us.

    Why?

    Well, I submit that their hearts are just as wrecked as ours.

    President John F. Kennedy once famously said,

    “Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.”

    I’m hesitant to speak ill of the dead because I think it’s unfair to prod someone when they can’t speak in their own defense, but I have to ask:

    If the price of “the survival and success of liberty” was JFK keeping his pants zipped, would he have paid it?

    Because that’s the question, isn’t it?

    Not just for him.

    For all of us.

    Because if the price of a better world isn’t grand but personal, that puts a bigger burden on us all.

    Daddy Warbucks included.

    So I’ll ask,

    If the price of a better world was the desires of your heart…

    Your greed and comfort…

    Your pride and epicaricacy…

    Your self-righteousness and sexual proclivities…

    All esteem and notoriety…

    Would you pay it?

    If not, why not?

    “You know how valuable something is by how much you are willing to pay for it.”

    Perhaps a better world isn’t worth quite as much to us as we thought.

    And listen, I get it.

    I understand.

    Because even though I believe with my entire being that what’s wrong with the world is me, I still fail at being the change I want to see.

    I fail in a hundred–a thousand–different ways everyday to pay, what I know, is the true price of progress:

    My whole heart roasted, toasted, and purified.

    But my hope is that the longer and harder I force my heart into the fire the more I’ll start to reflect the one who stepped into this world’s muck and mire for me and for all of humanity, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to help set the pieces of the world I touch to right.

    I want that with all my might.

    All that being said, I’ll end with this:

    In Foundations of The Metaphysics of Morals, Immanuel Kant writes,

    “So long as a critical examination is lacking, human reason at first tries all possible wrong ways before it succeeds in finding the one true way.”

    We have tried for a very long time to make our world a kinder, gentler, more loving place only to be frustrated and disappointed when things fail to change.

    I only want to suggest that perhaps we have been throwing the wrong things into flames.

    Perhaps it is time to try a different way.

    P.S. This is the finale of what Nathaniel Hawthorne had to say:

    “The heart, the heart, there was the little yet boundless sphere wherein existed the original wrong of which the crime and misery of this outward world were merely types. Purify that inward sphere, and the many shapes of evil that haunt the outward, and which now seem almost our only realities, will turn to shadowy phantoms and vanish of their own accord; but if we go no deeper than the intellect, and strive, with merely that feeble instrument, to discern and rectify what is wrong, our whole accomplishment will be a dream, so unsubstantial that it matters little whether the bonfire, which I have so faithfully described, were what we choose to call a real event and a flame that would scorch the finger, or only a phosphoric radiance and a parable of my own brain.”

    The Cautionary Tale of The Peanut Butter King

    Back in the day when childhood literacy was actually a thing, one of my favorite things to read was poetry by the inimitable Shel Silverstein.

    To this day, I remember the tale of “The Peanut Butter King.”

    The Stinky Cheese Man | Shel silverstein, Peanut butter sandwich ...

    That poem gave me nightmares for weeks.

    Just look at those teeth.

    happy teeth GIF by benjamin lemoine

    Honestly, it still gives me the heebie-jeebies, and back then, I full on thought that if I ate an uncrustable my jaw would be cemented shut for twenty years.

    I still look at Jiffy with suspicion.

    Why am I talking about this?

    Welp.

    Confession time.

    Quarantine has led to bingeing.

    How many sweet potatoes have I eaten?

    Roughly enough to instigate another Irish Potato Famine.

    My apologies to the people of Ireland.

    Seriously, though.

    All this down/idle time had led to me entertaining appetites I know aren’t the best for me, and the tale of The Peanut Butter King perfectly captures the problems with giving our appetites free reign.

    So!

    With that being said, if you, like me, appreciate poignant yet ridiculous things, let’s have a look at the wisdom of Shel Silverstein.

    The poem begins:

    I’ll sing you a poem of a silly young king
    Who played with the world at the end of a string,
    But he only loved one single thing—
    And that was just a peanut-butter sandwich.

    “…he only loved one single thing–and that was just a peanut-butter sandwich.”

    If this was 2015, we might be tempted to say that the peanut-butter sandwich was his bae.

    Thank the Lord that word didn’t survive the decade.

    However, I’m using it now since the PB sammie was, in the King’s estimation, really and truly before anything else.

    Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with peanut-butter (or potatoes for that matter) or almost any appetite you may want to indulge.

    However…

    Problems arise when our desires–our appetites–get out of order, and if you don’t want to take my word for it, I point you to someone who far outstrips me in every way and whose writings will likely lift the roof off your brain.

    Augustine.

    In brief, The Bishop of Hippo, both in his Confessions as well as in City of God, stresses the importance of having “ordered loves” and the scourge of having disordered ones.

    Ordered love brings life.

    Disordered love is the heart of vice.

    And when you allow the latter to run free, things, as we shall see, are going to go poorly.

    The poem continues:

    His scepter and his royal gowns,
    His regal throne and golden crowns
    Were brown and sticky from the mounds
    And drippings from each peanut-butter sandwich.

    Whatever is “bae” to you will inevitably start to affect the rest of what you do.

    You may attempt to bib yourself, but let’s not kid ourselves.

    Any attempts to cordon off what is high and chief amongst your priorities is not going to work.

    Also!

    An important aside:

    If you’re trying to play Don’t Let The Peas Touch! (fantastic book, highly recommend), with your life by separating out what is dearest to you from all the rest, might I suggest that that thing needs to be double checked.

    It’s like when someone won’t bring their bae/beau/boo/whathaveyou around to meet their friends or family.

    Something smells fishy.

    Similarly, if your peanut-butter sandwich equivalent is something you don’t want oozing out, that’s a good indicator that maybe you need to check yourself.

    Because, friend.

    I am telling you it will drip and stick all over your life, and if it isn’t virtue but vice…

    Well.

    Do you remember Augustus Gloop?

    The great, big, greedy nincompoop?

    Yeah… that’ll be you.

    The poem continues!

    His subjects all were silly fools
    For he had passed a royal rule
    That all that they could learn in school
    Was how to make a peanut-butter sandwich.

    Here’s the thing.

    I know “You do you!” is the refrain of the age, but if we’ve learned anything from COVID-19, it’s that our individual actions have externalities.

    And just as our actions have externalities, so too do our appetites.

    For example, in my house, we have one vegetarian, one chronically ill, dietary restrictions out-the-wazoo person, one “I will not eat unless there’s meat” person, and my poor mother who’s just like “why is everyone so picky?”

    Our refrigerator is basically the battleground for World War III simply because our varying appetites take up space in each other’s lives.

    This is true with all kinds of appetites, and if, as we have already seen, your appetites have you rolling around in muck, mire, and vice…

    Well, no man is an island, and the things you prioritize will, without fail, affect other people’s lives.

    So PSA: get your appetites in order before you tar some poor friend, family member, referee, or innocent bystander.

    Onwards!

    He would not eat his sovereign steak,
    He scorned his soup and kingly cake,
    And told his courtly cook to bake
    An extra-sticky peanut-butter sandwich.

    You know what this reminds me of?

    When my childhood was wrecked by Sandra Bullock’s husband cheating on her.

    Like…

    SIR.

    You had SANDRA STEAK.

    QUEEN CAKE and you cheated.

    You ate a peanut butter sandwich.

    I will never understand.

    It doesn’t make sense!

    And yet…

    I’ve definitely done that.

    Chosen something else when I could’ve or already had something better because my appetites were out of order.

    Ergo.

    I was an idiot.

    See, it is 100% true that you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

    While, as a child, I may have been convinced there was such a thing as a dessert stomach…

    The stomach is tragically unitary and finite.

    So when you prioritize an inferior appetite, you have to–have to–say no to superior appetites.

    And everyone else in the room will be shaking their heads, thinking…

    What a fool.

    We continue!

    And then one day he took a bite
    And started chewing with delight,
    But found his mouth was stuck quite tight
    From that last bite of peanut-butter sandwich.

    At last.

    The rubber has hit the road, and the Peanut Butter King is now faced with the hard reality we all know to be true:

    Eventually, your appetites catch up with you.

    It might not be today or tomorrow, but someday that indulgence, that disordered love, that peanut-butter sandwich, will come home to roost.

    Your metabolism quits.

    You take a tainted hit.

    Your victims have enough.

    The IRS wises up.

    Congratulations.

    Your appetite’s caught up.

    So take a care and consider the parts of your life that might just be setting you on the path to self-destruct.

    With that cheery reminder out of the way, we enter the final stretch of what you are probably now thinking is some pretty messed-up children’s poetry!

    His brother pulled, his sister pried,
    The wizard pushed, his mother cried,
    “My boy’s committed suicide
    From eating his last peanut-butter sandwich!”

    The dentist came, and the royal doc.
    The royal plumber banged and knocked,
    But still those jaws stayed tightly locked.
    Oh darn that sticky peanut-butter sandwich!

    The carpenter, he tried with pliers,
    The telephone man tried with wires,
    The firemen, they tried with fire,
    But couldn’t melt that peanut-butter sandwich.

    With ropes and pulleys, drills and coil,
    With steam and lubricating oil—
    For twenty years of tears and toil—
    They fought that awful peanut-butter sandwich.

    Then all his royal subjects came.
    They hooked his jaws with grapplin’ chains
    And pulled both ways with might and main
    Against that stubborn peanut-butter sandwich.

    Each man and woman, girl and boy
    Put down their ploughs and pots and toys
    And pulled until kerack! Oh, joy—
    They broke right through that peanut-butter sandwich

    Huzzah!

    Time (twenty years) and teamwork (the whole freaking kingdom) were eventually able to undo the damage caused by a disordered appetite.

    But here’s the thing.

    As we shall see, time and the intervention to end all interventions are no guarantee you won’t get right back on your peanut Butter Sandwich.

    The poem concludes…

    A puff of dust, a screech, a squeak—
    The king’s jaw opened with a creak.
    And then in voice so faint and weak—
    The first words that they heard him speak
    Were, “How about a peanut-butter sandwich?”

    Are.

    You.

    Kidding.

    Me.

    I think it’s time for a new king.

    BRING OUT THE GUILLOTINE!

    File:Guillotine PM.gif - Tar Valon Library

    Seriously.

    Doesn’t that just make you want to punch him in the mouth?

    He can drink his sandwich through a straw from here on out.

    I’m not a violent person, I swear.

    It’s just… I can’t stand the thought of someone so clearly not learning their lesson.

    It’s egregious.

    And yet…

    If I’m honest, I get it.

    As someone who experienced a very long stint of addiction, I intimately understand the hold appetites can have.

    However…

    I also know that our appetites are in many ways habituated.

    Put simply:

    When you feed something, it grows.

    The PB King fed and entertained his appetite for peanut butter sandwiches his entire life.

    He’d trained himself for that and no other.

    Why wouldn’t he return to it at first chance?

    In fact, you can easily imagine he’d been waiting twenty long years just for that next sandwich.

    And you might say,

    “But he hadn’t had a peanut butter sandwich all that time! Shouldn’t he have gotten over it?”

    Au contraire.

    For one thing, his abstention was an involuntary one which in no way addressed the underlying problem of his disordered appetite.

    It just took the fulfillment of the desire off the table for a time.

    But more importantly!

    Even if he’d willing not eaten anything for twenty years, avoiding an appetite is not the same thing as addressing an appetite.

    Put another way:

    Starving yourself doesn’t work.

    It’s not:

    “THAT PB SAMMIE DID ME DIRTY–I WILL NEVER EAT AGAIN!”

    That’s stupid.

    Excising a destructive appetite or ordering a disordered one is only the first step because simply clearing the appetite away without putting something else–something better–in it’s place is a recipe for disaster.

    As anyone who’s studied dictatorial regimes will know, power vacuums are no bueno, and since the King likely hadn’t planned to put anything else in the peanut butter sandwich’s place, it’s no wonder he went right back to the thing that had caused him (and a lot of other people) a fair bit of pain.

    He didn’t want to change.

    Arguably, he’d never even tried.

    He saw nothing wrong with his appetite.

    It was fine.

    Is that you?

    That was me for a very long time.

    But no longer!

    And if even I can improve, so too can you 🙂

    With all that being said…

    Let’s Conclude With Questions

    What are your deepest appetites?

    What are you eating?

    What are you feeding?

    Is it the best for you?

    If not, what are you going to do?

    Are you waiting until it oozes out of you?

    Until the people around you start to feel it too?

    Are you turning away better things?

    Are you hoping people try to save you from you?

    Would you listen to them if they tried?

    Or would you shrug them off and say,

    “I’m fine.”

    Dear friend.

    Only you can answer those questions, and only you can decide that you no longer want to feed a disordered appetite.

    Because if not you, then who? And if not now, then when?

    I encourage you to think about it.

    Well, that’s all I’ve got for this week!

    Thank you again so much for taking the time to read, and please feel free to subscribe and share 🙂