If you don’t know this about me, one of my all-time favorite movies is Evan Almighty.

It combines so many of my favorite things:

Steve Carell.

Morgan Freeman.

Washington, D.C.

Pg-13 appropriate hilarity.

And The Bible!

(obviously)

Anyways, I re-watched it recently specifically because I wanted to refresh my memory of an alpaca spitting in a corrupt politician’s face.

What can I say?

We all have our fantasies.

Point being, I did not expect to be made to think.

And yet that’s exactly what happened.

(I’m about to spoil the movie, fair warning)

See, the crux of the plot is that a congressman cut corners to build a dam in order to develop nearby land, and as a result, it’s riddled with weaknesses.

Thus, when the pressure of the water gets too great, the dam breaks, cracking open like rotten egg and flooding everything (hence why an ark was necessary).

Watching that scene, I realized something which has kind of been a eureka moment for me:

Pressure reveals where we’re weak.

I’ll say that again.

Pressure reveals where we’re weak.

I don’t know about you, but lately, Queen’s “Under Pressure” has pretty much become my anthem during quarantine.

And I’ll be honest…

It’s led to some cracking.

So today I’d like to share the three areas that are, I think, frequently revealed to be weak (they certainly were for me!), and then offer some tips on how to reinforce those areas so you don’t flood everything!

1. Temperament

I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going person, and by and large, I’d say I have a solid grasp on my emotions.

However!

Recently, both claims have been put under a fair bit of strain thanks to a whole mess of things not exactly going my way.

As a result, cracks have started showing in both my words and on my face.

Patience, in particular, has shown itself to be a point where my dam is apt to break.

HOWEVER!

One thing quarantine has been great for is podcast listening, and just last week, I stumbled on a podcast that’s helped me tremendously.

Much thanks to former Navy Seal Jocko Willink and his co-host Echo Charles who offered succinct yet solid advice on what to do when an emotion is pressurizing your insides.

“Identify it, and separate the feeling from behavior.”

It’s so simple, but over the last week, this has worked really well for me!

I suspect it’s because identifying the feeling depressurizes it immediately.

When I have to stop and say,

“I’m being impatient (hangry, frustrated, etc.) right now.”

It takes agency out of the feeling and gives control back to me.

Once that happens, the feeling (whatever it may be) tends to subside significantly.

However!

Even if it doesn’t, the latter half of the advice–separating the feeling from behavior–keeps cracks and floods at bay because while I might not be able to completely push impatience (hanger, frustration, etc.) away, I can do my level best to keep it from affecting my words and face.

2. Self-discipline

I don’t know about you, but self-discipline is very important to me.

In fact, in high school, I seriously considered going to a service academy or participating in ROTC because I figured that no place was as disciplined as the military.

Unfortunately, I realized very quickly that 1) I could never meet the physical requirements, 2) I loathe mud and getting dirty, and 3) I don’t like it when people scream at me.

In brief, the military was not going to be my scene.

Nevertheless!

I still hold myself to a pretty strict routine, pieces of which include getting up early, exercising/writing daily, and reading the Bible first thing in the morning.

However…

Pretty much all that went out the window last week.

Between starting a new job, coordinating events for clubs, and my insomnia acting up, I felt like I’d gotten hit by a truck, and almost all of my regiment failed to hold up.

One by one, my daily habits and activities were washed away, and by the end of the week, I was not okay.

Frankly, I was a complete and utter hot mess.

The AC going out in the house did not help with this, but the fact of the matter is, in the face of even modest pressure and stress, almost all my self-discipline vanished.

It was a very rude awakening, and in the last week, I’ve done my best to get things back to how they should be.

It hasn’t been easy, but what’s given me the reinforcement I need is recalling what Auschwitz survivor Dr, Viktor Frankl wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning:

“He who has a why can bear almost any how.”

Now, he was writing on how he survived the Holocaust, which is obviously much more significant than my self-discipline being shot.

However, the same principle applies, and that is in the face of pressure and adversity of any kind, you need a why.

For me, recovering and reinforcing my self-discipline has meant asking myself why the routine I cultivated matters to me.

Why do I get up early?

Why do I exercise and write daily?

Why do I read the Bible first thing in the morning?

Answering those questions has helped me see why my routine is essential rather than incidental to my well-being, and I’m confident that in the future, having those whys will keep my self-discipline from cracking!

3. Relationships

I’m incredibly fortunate to have a lot of love in my life.

Honestly, my family and friends are one of a kind, and the relationships I have with them are things I prize and do my best to prioritize.

However…

When things went crazy last week, I pretty much stopped communicating with everybody.

I quit calling and texting–forget facetiming–and for a over a week, it was radio silence from me.

I now see that cracks in relationships form incredibly quickly.

A day of no contact can become a week which becomes a month then a year, and before you know it, the entire relationship has disappeared.

It’s such a scary thought because whether or not you pick up the phone, time and life keep marching on, and I think it’s 100% true that you never fully appreciate someone until they’re gone.

Last week made that very clear to me, and I now see that I have a number of relationships that are cracked due to inactivity.

However!

Having realized that, I’ve made it my mission to address the relationships in my life that need some TLC ASAP.

I actually wrote out a hit list of people that I haven’t spoken to recently, and I’m going to work my way through them starting this week because even just thinking about how much of their lives I’ve already missed irritates me.

So, fair warning.

Texts, calls, and facetimes are incoming.

That’s all for this week!

If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

“Sarah, you look so boring.”

It was orientation week of my freshman year of high school, and I was sitting in the dining hall across from someone who would come to be one of my dearest friends, stunned and more than little insulted.

“Uh…”

I had no idea what to say to that, but my face must’ve said something because she rushed to take her words back.

Come to find out that what she meant was that I looked bored, but as a non-native English speaker, things had gotten mixed in translation.

And yet…

Her words were pretty accurate.

Because, friends, until quite recently, I was about as interesting as a potato sack.

It took me much longer than I would have liked to come to that particular realization, but c’est la vie.

At least now I’m much more interesting.

I think.

🙂

Anyways!

Today, I’d like to share three actionable steps I’ve taken to become a more interesting human being so as to engage the world without fear of being told…

“Sarah, you look so boring.”

Love you, Hailey Lee.

The steps are:

1. Reject Passivity.
2. Find Your Niche.
3. Get Good At Asking Questions.

Let’s crack in!

#1 Reject Passivity

I shared this a while ago, but I recently finished writing a Young Adult novel!

I started querying literary agents last week so #prayforme because the stats for getting an agent are… not the most encouraging.

Anyways!

One big thing writing a novel taught me is that passivity is not interesting.

Nobody wants to read about a bump on a log who does nothing.

It’s boring.

Unfortunately, given the ascendancy of technology (not to mention quarantine!) being a humanoid log-bump is now all too easy.

I, for one, have spent hours in bed or at my desk, scrolling through Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and Facebook, and, as of this blog, I have now watched every single season of Amazon Prime’s sports docu-series “All or Nothing.”

Friends, I do not even like sports.

I am simply log-bumping, and log bumps are not interesting.

So!

Don’t be like me!

Put down the phone.

Turn off the TV.

And then…

#2 Find Your Niche

While the first step towards becoming more interesting is getting off your butt and actually doing something, there are plenty of people who reject passivity and do things that are still not very interesting.

I, for one, have started compulsively cleaning everything.

Cleaning is not very interesting.

I mean, thanks to COVID-19 and quarantine, cleaning is certainly not unique to me, and even if it was, it requires very little expertise.

In brief, it is not particularly niche.

Niche things are interesting.

At least if you ask me.

Because they are either inherently unique or they become so by dint of someone accumulating an extraordinary amount of expertise.

In both instances, you have greater insight and authority on whatever your niche may be, distinguishing yourself from the average human being.

That makes you more interesting.

So!

What is your niche?

What are things that make you unique?

In what areas do you have a notable amount of expertise?

If you can’t answer these questions right now, no worries!

Because even if you presently have no niche—even if you are the most generic human being—you can cultivate expertise in something.

Anything, really.

I once met a guy who could recite word-for-word the entire first season of The Office.

He was an interesting guy.

However, finding your niche (i.e. identifying what makes you unique and/or cultivating expertise) is not an overnight process.

And in the meantime, you’re going to want to be at least somewhat interesting regardless.

And to do that…

#3 Get Good At Asking Questions

When I first realized I was something of a bore, the first thing I did was focus on and talk about myself more.

That was a bad idea.

You know the saying,

“Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt?”

That applies here.

“Better to be thought a bore than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

In fact, while you’re working on finding your niche and distinguishing yourself, I submit that the best thing you can do is actually focus on someone else because, in my experience, it is a truth often forgotten that interesting people are interested in people.

I wrote about this last week, but human beings are meant for connection.

We thrive on mutually uplifting interactions.

So if all you do is talk about yourself and expect others’ genuflection, you’re not going to be interesting.

You’re going to be a butthead.

Seriously.

Even if you’re the most interesting person in the room, there will come a point where people are going to get sick of you if all you do is talk about you.

Hence the importance of asking questions!

Because not only do they take the focus off of you, but there’s a very good chance you might actually learn something new–not to mention you’ll be beefing up your expertise in how to do an interview!

It’s a win-win-win for you!

I highly recommend it.

I mean, my very first blog post for “Cultiv8ing Character” was about the time I asked a stranger a very simple question and the ensuing conversation.

But what kinds of questions should you be asking?

Two good rules of thumb I’ve picked up are to 1) avoid “yes or no” questions and 2) to connect them.

Instead of asking: “Did you have a good week?”

Ask: “What was the best/worst part of your week?”

Instead of asking a bunch of disjointed questions, ask questions that build off the answers you receive.

The conversation will be more interesting, but more importantly, you’ll have formed a deeper connection with another human being!

And at the end of the day, that’s the most important thing.

Well, that’s all for this week!

If you want to support me, please subscribe and share 🙂

It costs nothing, but it’s just nice to know I have readers out there!

I was recently listening to a talk by Michael Ramsden where he recounted a meeting with the British Foreign Minister who he quotes as having said,

“Hypocrisy is the new global, unforgivable sin.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about hypocrisy since then and getting a fuller picture of how profoundly damaging it is, and I wanted to write about it.

So I am!

But first, just to get the definition of hypocrisy out of the way:

Failing to meet a standard you’re trying to meet is not hypocrisy.

That’s just being a human being.

However, claiming to value a standard publicly and/or privately while completely ignoring it personally…

Now that’s hypocrisy.

And it is a no good, very bad thing which is to be avoided by anyone with even a semblance of integrity.

Hence why I wanted to address the issue of hypocrisy since you can’t really “cultivate character” while being a hypocrite.

At least if you ask me.

And hey, full disclaimer: I’m no stranger to hypocrisy!

Old Sarah was a butt on many fronts, but I’m trying to get those days behind me 🙂

Anyways!

This week, I want to highlight telltale signs of when you might be dealing with a hypocrite or even *eh-hem* being a hypocrite.

And to do this, I’m going to roast hippopotamuses.

What can I say?

It’s been a minute since I’ve used an animal to make an argument, okay?

Bear with me 🙂

Besides!

From what I can tell, hypocrites and hippopotamuses actually have a lot–a lot–in common.

So without further ado, here are three signs a hypocritamus is in the room!

Sign #1: Throwing Their Weight Around

Did you know that hippos are the third largest land mammal on planet earth?

They average a whopping 3000 pounds so if one sits on you, you will almost certainly become one with the dirt.

Given this, it stands to reason that hippos have a very healthy and uh, heavy, sense of self-worth.

So too do their hypocritamus counterparts.

Men and women who, while probably not 3000 pounds, are almost always large and in charge.

Or, at the very least, they like to think they are.

Because sadly, you don’t have to be a billionaire, a political leader, or a celebrity to claim to rule the waves only to wave the rules.

You just have to have a hippo-sized ego.

From there, it doesn’t take much to convince yourself that the rules don’t apply to you.

After all, rules are meant for underlings.

You are meant for higher things.

You’re more intelligent, more righteous, more capable and benevolent than the other people in the room.

At least, that’s the way I used to think, and from what I can tell, among hypocritamuses, that mode of thinking is not unique.

They are all more (fill in the blank), and they’re not shy about throwing around that added weight.

Thus, while they don’t think rules aren’t bad per se, they just don’t think they should have to obey.

As we shall see when we get to #3, the former claim can and does change.

But first, let’s discuss what happens when you call a hypocritamus out on their hypocritical ways.

Sign #2: Lashing Out With “What About…?”

Did you know that hippos are actually the world’s most dangerous land mammal?

They are extraordinarily aggressive, killing roughly 500 people a year.

So if you cross one, be prepared because if they see you as a threat, they are going to try to chomp you in half.

Amazingly, hypocritamuses behave in much the same way.

If you call them out on their hypocritical ways, they’re going to lash out and get in your face.

We see this a lot nowadays.

You point out someone’s ideological and/or lived inconsistency (AKA hypocrisy), and the first thing they say is

“Well, what about x, y, and z?”

Typically pointing to something they perceive to be a mark of your own hypocrisy.

Now, it very well might be.

In which case, take care to check that you are actually being consistent in what you preach, do, and think.

After all, we’re trying to minimize–not multiply–hypocrisy.

A sea of hypocritamuses is exactly what the world does not need.

However, at least in my experiences, the “what about” lash out lacks any real teeth.

It’s a deflection mechanism.

An excuse.

And if you–a person with integrity–press the hypocritamus on their inconsistency, you’ll get to see the depth (or lack thereof) of their dedication to what they supposedly believe.

Sign #3: Sinking To The Bottom Of The River

So you’ve pressed the hypocritamus on their hypocrisy, and they’ve lashed out with a “What about x, y, and z?”

To which you, a person with integrity, have replied,

“Yes, I agree. It is wrong to do x, y, and z.”

Now, the hypocritamus is floundering.

They were banking on you being hypocritical too, and without that, they don’t know what to do.

Now, they either admit to being a hypocrite OR somehow slip the noose.

Seeing as “hypocrisy is the new global, unforgivable sin,” which do you think they’ll choose?

Option number two!

But there are only two ways to quit being a hypocritamus.

You either…

A) Recommit to the standard you claimed to uphold.

OR

B) Abandon having any standards at all.

Ergo you sink to the bottom of the river.

Historically, option B is the more popular of the two.

If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to think of any quote “double standard” that existed in the past where the higher standard is the one that is now existent.

I’ll wait.

…

It’s extremely rare.

Now, I think there are a couple reasons why this happens, but the leading one, as far as I can see, is that people get tired of living hypocritically but also have no interest in adhering to a standard–that while good–they don’t actually, themselves, want to keep.

Sinking to the bottom of river takes care of both of these, and sadly, I think bottom feeding is becoming our norm, even our general cultural trajectory.

Reflection on it depresses me.

Because what that means is that a carrying capacity of the population has ceased to believe that living with integrity is how you succeed.

I think former Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdom Jonathan Sacks put it best when he said,

“Too many people… have come to the conclusion that if you can get away with it, you would be a fool not to do it.”

This makes me want to scream.

Because if that’s true, we’re in big, big trouble.

So I’m asking.

Do we believe that living with integrity is not only a worthwhile thing but an essential part of what it means to be a human being?

Do we believe it leads to our flourishing?

Or are we intent on being hypocritamuses?

Throwing our weight around, lashing out with “what abouts,” and sinking to the bottom of the river when we finally get called out?

Just something to think about.

Back in January, I had a bit of a kerfuffle with my right hand.

I’m still not entirely sure what happened, but the end result was that it looked like a hole punch had been taken to the side of my hand which, while cool theoretically, was seriously un-fun experientially.

It took over two months to heal completely, and truly, the amount of money I spent on latex-free band-aids would make Warren Buffet blush.

It was ridiculous.

Not to mention that being right-handed while said hand was not at full capacity totally and completely stunk.

However!

The experience of being acutely conscious of my right hand for months, either thanks to the pain or out of worry that it would get infected, got me thinking about long-standing wound care in the abstract.

Particularly why one becomes derelict, allowing a wound–any kind of wound–to languish.

After some reflection, I’ve come up with three reasons why we tend to let wound care fall to the wayside.

So buckle in folks because I am about to puh-reach.

Wound Care Woe #1: Prideful Denial

If you’ve never seen Monty Python & The Holy Grail, what are you doing with yourself?

Seriously, fix that problem!

But if you’re pressed for time, at least watch the scene with the Black Knight!

I’ve included a brief gif synopsis of what occurs, but suffice to say, Mr. Black Knight ends up armless and legless in the dirt, all the while proclaiming that he isn’t even hurt!

I mean…

You gotta give him props for perseverance, but at a certain point, you have to start saying to yourself,

“Uh… maybe he should stop attacking the man lopping his body parts off?”

And you would be correct!

Because as admirable (?) as the Black Knight’s effort is, him denying his injuries only intensifies them in the end.

Instead of just an arm, he loses all his appendages just because he wouldn’t admit that there was something off to begin with.

Why?

Pride.

As evidenced by the fact that whilst hopping around on one foot without arms, he proclaims to King Arthur,

“I’m invincible!… The Black Knight always triumphs!”

To which Arthur replies,

“You’re a loony.”

Indeed.

We can see that quite clearly.

However!

I wonder whether or not a lot of us are more like the Black Knight than we’d like to think.

Too prideful to admit we’re hurt or accept defeat, not recognizing that we’ve got a wound that needs addressing.

Friend, that has totally been me.

In the past, pride has kept me from addressing some pretty big “wounds” in my life whether they be emotional or physical, and I can tell you for a fact that if I could go back in time and take care of them from the start, I would.

It would’ve saved both me and so many others a lot of pain and heartache.

So take it from me, if pride is what’s holding you back from addressing the wounds in your life (be they emotional or physical), give it no quarter because I speak from experience when I say, if you let pride determine the way you live your life, you are going to regret it.

But perhaps it isn’t pride that’s holding you back from healing your wounds.

Perhaps it’s pain, and if that’s the case, I can also fully relate.

Wound Care Woe #2: It’s Painful

Fun fact: when I’m in pain, I become Catholic.

“HOLY-MARY-MOTHER-OF-GOD!” were my exact words the first time I had to clean out my right hand hole punch with an alcohol wipe.

For reference, I’m a dyed-in-the-wool Evangelical, so invoking Mary is not a common occurrence.

Actually, it pretty much never happens.

Ever.

And yet, I was ready to call on all the saints I knew and probably some I just divined in my pain-filed rapture thanks to the burning in my hand.

It hurt, and coupled with the fact that I do not have a high pain tolerance, the sensation of FIRE IN THE HOLE was a pretty significant deterrence for pulling back the bandages and cleaning the wound.

And yet, if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that healing can, and frequently does, hurt.

Whether it’s putting alcohol on an open wound, resetting a broken bone, taking a cocktail of medication that makes you want to simultaneously puke and go to the bathroom, swallowing your pride, or mending a relationship with someone who has hurt you deeply, the path to healing is almost always a bumpy and painful road.

But the old adage holds true,

“No pain–no gain.”

So while I did not want to clean the hole in my hand, I knew I needed to because not cleaning the wound would only make it worse.

And so I got after it, everyday, twice a day, for over two months.

It burned and stung, but as time went on, it started to hurt less and less, which was a great encouragement!

However, I am not naturally a patient person.

At all.

“Just heal already!” was the constant refrain in my head, and there were many days where I just didn’t want to mess with it.

Which brings me to the third cause of failed wound care.

Wound Care Woe #3: Impatience

Healing takes time.

For people like me who want to see results quickly, this is an enormously irritating truism, and the hole in my hand drove me absolutely bananas the longer it hung around.

Like, I don’t mean to be rude, Mr. Hole, but you have overstayed your welcome!

Time’s a ticking, and it is time for you to go now!

But he hung around…

And I’m not going to lie, it discouraged me because on top of being a nuisance physically, it was a reminder that my body has not functioned properly in almost two years.

Now, I know I’m not alone in hating to wait for healing.

Over 2000 years ago, King Solomon wrote,

“Hope delayed makes the heart sick.”

Doesn’t it?

It certainly has for me.

And yet, it is also the case that oftentimes there is no such thing as a “quick fix,” and trying to find one can actually be quite dangerous.

Not just physically but mentally as well because you start to think to yourself,

“If I can’t have healing quick, I don’t want it!”

From that you either give up, you cut corners, or go to extremes, and in the end, you find yourself worse off than you were to begin with.

*Sigh.

Is that ever me.

My poor body has taken a beating the last two years because of the “quick fix” attempts I hit it with, and what I’ve come to find is that as a general rule, the bigger the wound, the longer it takes to heal.

Which, I mean, is obvious, but I was a prideful, impatient idiot, so I wasn’t really interested in being attentive to that particularly annoying truth.

Is that you?

It’s been me, but I can honestly say this season of life with its ill-health and holey hands is teaching me patience.

It’s teaching me to let go of pridefulness.

It’s teaching me perseverance.

And while I wish I didn’t have to learn those things this way, I can’t deny that through these wound care woes, I’m learning how to be a better me.

How can I be mad at that?

So let me ask…

What are the “wounds” that need tending in your life?

Are you letting them fester out of pride?

Are you unwilling to treat them because it will hurt for a time?

Do you only want healing if it happens in your time?

Or can you swallow your pride, face the pain, and hope against all hope that some day your wounds will be the scarred marks of warrior who knew how to endure and how to wait?

I don’t know about you, but thinking of my “wounds” that way has brought me a lot of peace through the pain.